If ships sailed on the motorway
And potato crisps were blue,
If football boots were made of silk
And a lamp-post wore a shoe;
If motorbikes ran upwards
And milk floats really floated;
It beds were full of boulders
And peas were sugar-coated;
If flies wore army jackets
And eggs laid little chickens;
If spacemen had a panther each
And insects studied Dickens;
If babies’ prams were motorised
And you listened to your conscience,
If life was always back to front
You wouldn’t be reading this nonscience!
– by John Rice
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