Aunty Joan by Derek Stuart

When Aunty Joan became a phone,

She sat there not saying a thing.

The doctor said, shaking his head,

‘You’ll just have to give her a ring.’


We had a try, but got no reply.

The tone was always engaged.

‘She’s just being silly,’ said Uncle Billy,

Slamming down the receiver enraged.


‘Alas, I fear,’ said the engineer,

Who was called in to inspect her,

‘I’ve got no choice. She’s lost her voice.

I shall have to disconnect her.’


The phone gave a ring. ‘You’ll do no such thing,’

Said Aunty’s voice on the line.

‘I like being a phone. Just leave me alone,

Or else I’ll dial nine-nine-nine!’


by Derek Stuart

Published by


Russian or Welsh poetry uploaded every Sunday. Reviews of literature, films, theatre, food and drink. Rambling accounts or reviews of various topics. Any support or engagement is appreciated.

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