Why does the hirsute chimpanzee
Swing pendulous from tree to tree?
He thinks it probably less fuss
Than waiting for the hippopotabus.
And yet the hungry anaconda
Through the trees is known to wander
Though the jungle bus is often late
It’s better than being ate.
– by Mike Harding
There was a young lady from Ickenham
Who went on a bus-trip to Twickenham.
She drank too much beer,
Which made her feel queer,
So she took off her boot and was sick-in-’em.
– by Anon.
All of a suddlington Major Smythe-Buddlington
Fell from his charger named Rocket
His rifle was broked
And his bum was all soaked
By the yoghurt he kept in his pocket.
– by John Rice
I sat next to the duchess at tea.
It was just as I feared it would be.
Her rumblings abdominal
Were simply phenomenal
And everyone thought it was me!
– by Anon.
Cupping his hands behind both ears,
He bawled, ‘What’s that you say?’
‘Which is your good ear – left or right?’
‘The ninth,’ he said. ‘… Of May.’
‘How long,’ I asked, ‘have they been like this?’
He boomed, ‘6 Primrose Hill.’
‘And are they painful?’ ‘Come June,’ he roared,
‘I’ll be eighty, so I will.’
‘There’s wax enough in your ears,’ I joked,
‘To polish a table-top with.’
‘You’re all mixed up,’ he bellowed back,
‘I’m Ron (not Reggie) Smith.’
I scooped the hard wax from his ears,
Then rinsed them sweet and clean.
‘Now, Mr Smith,’ I said, ‘you’ll find them
As good as they’ve ever been.’
‘But you’ve not tested them!’ he said
Softly, with mild surprise.
‘I’ve no complaint about my ears.
I’m troubled with my eyes!’
– by Raymond Wilson
Caught a very fine whale
And took it indoors for his tea;
But the end of this tale
Is the whale ate the snail –
So the whale took the snail in for tea.
– by Carey Blyton
I wonder at the jellyfish
That like to drift and drowse
And seem to wear without a care
A kind of see-through blouse.
A fish had remarked to a chip,
‘unless we give them the slip,
When the fat starts to fry
I’m afraid it’s goodbye
And it won’t be a very nice trip.’
A hungry shark some bathers eyed,
His wife said in the spray,
‘How would you like your food, my dear,
Eat here or takeaway?’
– by Max Fatchen