A Tree Toad Loved A She-Toad by Anon

A tree toad loved a she-toad

That lived up in a tree.

She was a three-toed tree toad

But a two-toed toad was he.

The two-toed toad tried to win

The she-toad’s friendly nod,

For the two-toed toad loved the ground

On which the three-toed toad trod.

But no matter how the two-toed tree toad tried,

He could not please her whim.

In her tree toad bower

With her three-toed power,

The she toad vetoed him.

 

– by Anon.

On Mules We Find Two Legs Behind by Anon

On mules we find two legs behind

And two we find before.

We stand behind before we find

What those behind be for.

We find before the two before

Just what they, too, be for.

so stand before the two behind

and behind the two before.

 

by Anon

Alf Abets by Rony Robinson

Eighteen apples

Be like me

See if you can

Deep blue sea.

Easy does it

Every time

Jeannie likes me

Ain’t you mine.

I eyed Ivor

Jays can fly

Kay’s a singer

Elephants cry.

Emma’s empty

Anyway

Owners only

Peas, please pay

Queue less quickly

Aren’t you nice

Especially Sarah

Teach her twice.

You’ll know better

VIPs

What a whopper

Ex-wife sees.

 

 

Ain’t you coming

Beans for tea

Seems quite pleasant

Dean can’t see.

Emus rattle

If they die

Jeans are shrinking

Hate your tie.

I’m an eyeful

Jacob’s knot.

Cake’s for eating

Elton’s hot.

Empty bottles

Any time

Opening over

Peace in our time.

Cumin powder

Artist’s nose

Esther argues

Tease her toes.

Universal

Veal ham pie

Double youth club

Extra wise.

 

by Rony Robinson

Trunk Call by Carey Blyton

‘You’re wanted on the telephone,’

Said the Spider to the Fly,

‘I think it is the Faroe Isles –

Or perhaps the Isle of Skye.’

The Fly he took the mouthpiece,

‘Thank you, kind sir,’ he said,

And while the Fly was speaking,

The Spider ate his head.

‘That was really delicious,’

Said the Spider, full of glee,

‘I think I’ll have a little rest,

Then have the trunk for tea.’

by Carey Blyton

There Was An Old Woman by Jean Kenward

There was an old lady

Who said she would eat

the whole of a holly bush

just for a treat;

and that’s what she did.

Yes. Her friends, they cried ‘Coo!

how clever you are! Now,

what else can you do?’

 

‘That’s NOTHING,’ she answered,

‘it’s easy as winking.

I could swallow the dome

of St Paul’s without thinking.’

‘No! Really?’ They would not

believe her. And so

she stretched her lips wide

as she guessed they could go

 

and took a deep breath…

then the wind from the South

blew that famous cathedral

right into her mouth;

and there it stuck fast.

What a terrible thing!

The wind from the East

volunteered to bring

 

the wind from the North

and the wind from the West

to blow St Paul’s outward

by special request.

They blew and they blew

and they blustered and battered

until the old lady

was shivering and shattered

 

and down fell the dome

with a bump on the floor.

‘Well,’ she said ‘I shall never

do THAT any more.

There are very few people

you know, who can eat

cathedrals instead of

their cabbage and meat –

 

the doors and the windows

the chancel, and all

the saints on their pedestals

icy and tall –

not to mention the holly

that grows in the wood.’

 

Do you think it would be

a good thing if they COULD?

 

by Jean Kenward

A Cleaning Job by Gregory Harrison

‘Where are you going in your furniture van,

Old woman?’ I said as I peered up inside.

 

‘You inquisitive man.’

She turned with a glare and tartly replied,

‘Go on, get up inside;

Scramble up if you can.’

 

I climbed through the door,

And there at once saw

A new vacuum-cleaner in parts on the floor.

 

‘Where are you going with that?’ I enquired.

 

‘Are you a detective that somebody’s hired?

You’re really most curious.

If you really must know,

I’m off to the mountains to vacuum the snow.’

 

by Gregory Harrison