There Was An Old Woman by Jean Kenward

There was an old lady

Who said she would eat

the whole of a holly bush

just for a treat;

and that’s what she did.

Yes. Her friends, they cried ‘Coo!

how clever you are! Now,

what else can you do?’

 

‘That’s NOTHING,’ she answered,

‘it’s easy as winking.

I could swallow the dome

of St Paul’s without thinking.’

‘No! Really?’ They would not

believe her. And so

she stretched her lips wide

as she guessed they could go

 

and took a deep breath…

then the wind from the South

blew that famous cathedral

right into her mouth;

and there it stuck fast.

What a terrible thing!

The wind from the East

volunteered to bring

 

the wind from the North

and the wind from the West

to blow St Paul’s outward

by special request.

They blew and they blew

and they blustered and battered

until the old lady

was shivering and shattered

 

and down fell the dome

with a bump on the floor.

‘Well,’ she said ‘I shall never

do THAT any more.

There are very few people

you know, who can eat

cathedrals instead of

their cabbage and meat –

 

the doors and the windows

the chancel, and all

the saints on their pedestals

icy and tall –

not to mention the holly

that grows in the wood.’

 

Do you think it would be

a good thing if they COULD?

 

by Jean Kenward

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