Stalking A Story by Julie Holder

Down near the jungle

From whence we get our zoos,

Cub reporters are a-hunting

Good gnus

Bad gnus.

by Julie Holder

The Noise In The Himalayas by J Patrick Lewis

The yak is the talkative species of ox

and that’s how he passes the bull.

And over the eyes of the sheep in their flocks,

he’s usually pulling the wool.

 

The way you can tell them apart is a snap

for the fact of the matter is

the bull never bothers to open his yap

and the yak never closes his.

 

The leopard, the lion, the hawk and the dove

are scribbling notes in the snow

as they listen to speeches and sermons on love

from the yak who surely should know.

 

Not a bull can be heard in the Himalayas –

the bulls have gone home to relax.

The racket you hear in the mountains all day is

the yackety-yackety-yaks.

 

by J Patrick Lewis

Tutor by Anon

A tutor who taught on the flute

Tried to teach two young tooters to toot,

Said the two to the tutor,

‘Is it harder to toot, or

To tutor two tooters to toot?’

– by Anon.

The Mad Gardener’s Song by Lewis Carroll

He thought he saw an Elephant,

That practised on a fife:

He looked again and found it was

A letter from his wife.

‘At length I realize,’ he said,

‘The bitterness of Life!’

He thought he saw a buffalo

Upon the chimney-piece:

He looked again, and found it was

His Sister’s Husband’s Niece.

‘Unless you leave this house,’ he said,

‘I’ll send for the Police!’

He though he saw a Rattlesnake

That questioned him in Greek:

He looked again, and found it was

The Middle of Next Week.

‘The one thing I regret,’ he said,

‘Is that it cannot speak!’

He thought he saw a Banker’s Clerk

Descending from the bus:

He looked again, and found it was

A Hippopotamus:

‘If this should stay to dine,’ he said,

‘There won’t be much for us!’

He thought he saw a Kangaroo

That worked a coffee-mill:

He looked again, and found it was

A Vegetable-Pill.

‘Were I to swallow this,’ he said,

‘I should be very ill!’

He thought he saw a Coach-and-Four

That stood beside his bed:

He looked again, and found it was

A Bear without a Head.

‘Poor thing,’ he said, ‘poor silly thing!’

‘It’s waiting to be fed!’

He thought he saw an Albatross

That fluttered round the lamp:

He looked again, and found it was

A Penny-Postage-Stamp.

‘You’d best be getting home,’ he said:

‘The nights are very damp!’

He thought he saw a Garden-Door

That opened with a key:

He looked again, and found it was

A double Rule of Three:

‘And all its mystery,’ he said,

‘Is clear as day to me!’

He thought he saw an Argument

That proved he was the Pope

He looked again, and found it was

A Bar of Mottled Soap.

‘A fact so dread,’ he faintly said,

‘Extinguishes all hope!’

– By Lewis Carroll


A Sense-less Poem by Carey Blyton

I’m having trouble with my ears –

They do not see so well.

My eyes are also failing fast –

They’ve lost their sense of smell.

My nose has lost its power of speech,

My tongue, its sense of touch;

Alas, your sympathy’s in vain –

My hands can’t hear you much.

– by Carey Blyton


This poem reminded me of Kevin Beckman, played by Chris Hemsworth, in the 2016 film Ghostbusters.