A tree toad loved a she-toad
That lived up in a tree.
She was a three-toed tree toad
But a two-toed toad was he.
The two-toed toad tried to win
The she-toad’s friendly nod,
For the two-toed toad loved the ground
On which the three-toed toad trod.
But no matter how the two-toed tree toad tried,
He could not please her whim.
In her tree toad bower
With her three-toed power,
The she toad vetoed him.
– by Anon.
On mules we find two legs behind
And two we find before.
We stand behind before we find
What those behind be for.
We find before the two before
Just what they, too, be for.
so stand before the two behind
and behind the two before.
– by Anon
I’ve got a dog as thin as a rail,
He’s got fleas all over his tail;
Every time his tail goes flop
The fleas on the bottom all hop to the top.
– by Anon
It was midnight and the sun beat down
Upon the deep red sea
The fishes nestled in the trees
And sang a song to me.
The butterflies swam slowly by
A sandwich in each hand,
The sheep all croaked ‘Abide With Me’
Along with the big brass band.
I certainly live in a very strange place
where life is never dull
As Farmer Gyles said of his Aberdeen pride
‘It’s unpredictabull’.
– by Anon
There was a young lady from Ickenham
Who went on a bus-trip to Twickenham.
She drank too much beer,
Which made her feel queer,
So she took off her boot and was sick-in-’em.
– by Anon.
I sat next to the duchess at tea.
It was just as I feared it would be.
Her rumblings abdominal
Were simply phenomenal
And everyone thought it was me!
– by Anon.
There was an old man of Blackheath
Who sat on his set of false teeth.
Said he, with a start,
‘O, Lord, bless my heart!
I have bitten myself underneath!’
– by Anon.
Little Jack Horner
Sat in a corner,
Watching the girls go by.
Along came a beauty
And he said, ‘Hi cutie!’
And that’s how he got a black eye.
– by Anon
Ladies and jellybeans,
Reptiles and crocodiles,
I stand before you
And sit behind you
To tell you something
I know nothing about.
There will be a meeting tomorrow night
Right after breakfast
To decide which colour
To whitewash the church.
There is no admission;
Just pay at the door.
There will be plenty of seats,
So sit on the floor.
– by Anon
I went to the pictures tomorrow
I took a front seat at the back,
I fell from the pit to the gallery
And broke a front bone in my back.
A lady she gave me some chocolate,
I ate it and gave it her back.
I phoned for a taxi and walked it,
And that’s why I never came back.
– by Anon
