A tree toad loved a she-toad
That lived up in a tree.
She was a three-toed tree toad
But a two-toed toad was he.
The two-toed toad tried to win
The she-toad’s friendly nod,
For the two-toed toad loved the ground
On which the three-toed toad trod.
But no matter how the two-toed tree toad tried,
He could not please her whim.
In her tree toad bower
With her three-toed power,
The she toad vetoed him.
– by Anon.
On mules we find two legs behind
And two we find before.
We stand behind before we find
What those behind be for.
We find before the two before
Just what they, too, be for.
so stand before the two behind
and behind the two before.
– by Anon
I’ve got a dog as thin as a rail,
He’s got fleas all over his tail;
Every time his tail goes flop
The fleas on the bottom all hop to the top.
– by Anon
It was midnight and the sun beat down
Upon the deep red sea
The fishes nestled in the trees
And sang a song to me.
The butterflies swam slowly by
A sandwich in each hand,
The sheep all croaked ‘Abide With Me’
Along with the big brass band.
I certainly live in a very strange place
where life is never dull
As Farmer Gyles said of his Aberdeen pride
‘It’s unpredictabull’.
– by Anon
There was a young lady from Ickenham
Who went on a bus-trip to Twickenham.
She drank too much beer,
Which made her feel queer,
So she took off her boot and was sick-in-’em.
– by Anon.
I sat next to the duchess at tea.
It was just as I feared it would be.
Her rumblings abdominal
Were simply phenomenal
And everyone thought it was me!
– by Anon.
There was an old man of Blackheath
Who sat on his set of false teeth.
Said he, with a start,
‘O, Lord, bless my heart!
I have bitten myself underneath!’
– by Anon.
