The Ballad of a Bounder by Idris Davies

He addressed great congregations

And rolled his tongue with grease,

And his belly always flourished,

In times of war or peace.

 

He would talk of distant comrades

And brothers o’er the sea,

And snarl above his liquor

about neighbours two or three.

 

He knew a lot about public money –

More than he liked to say –

And sometimes sat with the paupers

To increase his Extra pay.

 

He could quote from Martin Tupper

and Wilhelmina Stitch,

And creep from chapel to bargain

With the likeliest local bitch.

 

He could swindle and squeal and snivel

And cheat and chant and pray,

and retreat like a famous general

When Truth would bar his way.

 

But God grew sick and tired

Of such a godly soul,

And sent down Death to gather

His body to a hole.

 

But before he died, the Bounder

Said: ‘My children, be at peace;

I know I am going to heaven,

So rub my tongue with grease.’

 

by Idris Davies

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Fun facts: Martin Tupper was an English writer, and poet, and the author of Proverbial Philosophy. Wilhelmina Stitch was one of the pen names of Ruth Collie, an English born poet who started her writing career in Winnipeg, Manitoba.

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Happiness Week: Thursday

I kept my hands moisturised and they were not as bad today. In fact they seemed to have begun healing. REGENERATION OF THE EPIDERMIS!

I ACQUIRED A WOOBAT! 🙂 SOON I WILL BE A BAT TYPE POKEMON MASTER!

I purchased ‘The Rough Guide to Britain’ (7th edition) for £5 from WH Smiths. It originally cost £16.99! BARGAIN HUNTING AND MAKING PEOPLE JEALOUS!

My cat is booked to go to the vet under the name of Totoro, which the cat home gave him, as we haven’t given him a name yet. In my absence a list was made of names for him. They were not what I would have chosen. They want: Alex (of Aleksandr / Alexander), Max (of Maximus or Maximillian), Donovan, Morgan, Maddox, Rhys, Rhett (After Rhett Butler from ‘Gone With The Wind), Matthias (after the character from S4C’s Y Gwyll / Hinterland), Hugo, Benedict (after Cumberbatch), Henry, Oscar, Sky, Radley, Archer, Chance, Darcy, Aramis or Milo. NAMES TO LIVE BY IN ORDER TO PROJECT MISPLACED AFFECTION TOWARDS FICTIONAL FIGURES!

They decided the short list is: Claudius, Augustus or Benedictus. GETTING ANCIENT ROME ON YOUR ASS!

All the Russian names they considered initially are ignored. So no Ivan, Dovlatov, etc, naming. PRAVDA BRAT!

The cat was a stray so Melmoth, after the titular character of Charles Robert Maturin’s novel Melmoth the Wanderer, seems a fitting name. GETTING LOST IN HIS EYES FOR A HUNDRED AND FIFTY YEARS!

Also a co-worker suggested Spock as she has a thing for the actor Zachary Quinto. She should get her own cat… or a pet rock. SPOCK AND SYLAR SLASH FICTION!

Also someone keeps saying, in an overly dramatic way, ‘Heeeeeelllll – oooooooohhhhh’ when entering a room. I dont know if it is intentionally done to patronise others or is really how this person actually speaks… UNIQUE SPEECH PATTERN FOR THE WIN!

Someone shared a clip of a film I shared with them. Suprised and joyful! SPREAD THE PIRACY OF HUMOUR! YO HO ITS A PIRATES LIFE FOR ME ON THE GOOD SHIP YOUTUBE!

I was very helpful today. Part of a team! Part of a team! Asked if I could to take a moment out of my busy working schedule (sarcastically) to help. Part of a team! Part of a team! TEAMWORK GO! FORM OF ‘SLIGHTLY PERPLEXED FUNKY GIBBON’!

People speak at shouting level stood next to me when its not necessary. GOT TO MAKE SURE YOU HEARD WHAT I SAID BECAUSE IT WAS GOOD!

It’s Happiness Week so everything has to be stated in a positive manner! HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY! JOY JOY JOY!

I had carrot and coriander soup with wholemeal bread! It was filling! I have had it before! NOM NOM NOM!

I was given a waving golden lucky cat! LUCKY!

I acquired 3 tubes of vanilla, sandalwood and lotus scented incense sticks with a burner stand. He tubes were originally £5 each but I got them for £1 each. FREE MARKET CAPITALISM IN PERSUIT OF INNER PEACE! CONFORM! CONSUME! OBEY!

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So much positivity… it is a tiring experience. Two more days… What can I say? I will find something…

Emilie Simon – Flowers: A French singer performing in English.