Chocolate Cake by Michael Rosen

I love chocolate cake.
And when I was a boy
I loved it even more.

Sometimes we used to have it for tea
and Mum used to say,
‘If there’s any left over
you can have it to take to school
tomorrow to have at playtime.’
And the next day I would take it to school
wrapped up in tin foil
open it up at playtime
and sit in the corner of the playground
eating it,
you know how the icing on top
is all shiny and it cracks as you
bite into it,
and there’s that other kind of icing in
the middle
and it sticks to your hands and you
can lick your fingers
and lick your lips
oh it’s lovely.
yeah.

Anyway,
once we had this chocolate cake for tea
and later I went to bed
but while I was in bed
I found myself waking up
licking my lips
and smiling.
I woke up proper.
‘The chocolate cake.’
It was the first thing
1 thought of.

I could almost see it
so I thought,
what if I go downstairs
and have a little nibble, yeah?

It was all dark
everyone was in bed
so it must have been really late
but I got out of bed,
crept out of the door

there’s always a creaky floorboard, isn’t there?

Past Mum and Dad’s room,
careful not to tread on bits of broken toys
or bits of Lego
you know what it’s like treading on Lego
with your bare feet,

yowwww
shhhhhhh

downstairs
into the kitchen
open the cupboard
and there it is
all shining.

So I take it out of the cupboard
put it on the table
and I see that
there’s a few crumbs lying about on the plate,
so I lick my finger and run my finger all over the crumbs
scooping them up
and put them into my mouth.

oooooooommmmmmmmm

nice.

Then
I look again
and on one side where it’s been cut,
it’s all crumbly.

So I take a knife
I think I’ll just tidy that up a bit,
cut off the crumbly bits
scoop them all up
and into the mouth

oooooommm mmmm
nice.

Look at the cake again.

That looks a bit funny now,
one side doesn’t match the other
I’ll just even it up a bit, eh?

Take the knife
and slice.
This time the knife makes a little cracky noise
as it goes through that hard icing on top.

A whole slice this time,

into the mouth.

Oh the icing on top
and the icing in the middle
ohhhhhh oooo mmmmmm.

But now
I can’t stop myself
Knife –
1 just take any old slice at it
and I’ve got this great big chunk
and I’m cramming it in
what a greedy pig
but it’s so nice,

and there’s another
and another and I’m squealing and I’m smacking my lips
and I’m stuffing myself with it
and
before I know
I’ve eaten the lot.
The whole lot.

I look at the plate.
It’s all gone.

Oh no
they’re bound to notice, aren’t they,
a whole chocolate cake doesn’t just disappear
does it?

What shall 1 do?

I know. I’ll wash the plate up,
and the knife

and put them away and maybe no one
will notice, eh?

So I do that
and creep creep creep
back to bed
into bed
doze off
licking my lips
with a lovely feeling in my belly.
Mmmmrnmmmmm.

In the morning I get up,
downstairs,
have breakfast,
Mum’s saying,
‘Have you got your dinner money?’
and I say,
‘Yes.’
‘And don’t forget to take some chocolate cake with you.’
I stopped breathing.

‘What’s the matter,’ she says,
‘you normally jump at chocolate cake?’

I’m still not breathing,
and she’s looking at me very closely now.

She’s looking at me just below my mouth.
‘What’s that?’ she says.
‘What’s what?’ I say.

‘What’s that there?’
‘Where?’
‘There,’ she says, pointing at my chin.
‘I don’t know,’ I say.
‘It looks like chocolate,’ she says.
‘It’s not chocolate is it?’
No answer.
‘Is it?’
‘I don’t know.’
She goes to the cupboard
looks in, up, top, middle, bottom,
turns back to me.
‘It’s gone.
It’s gone.
You haven’t eaten it, have you?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘You don’t know. You don’t know if you’ve eaten a whole
chocolate cake or not?
When? When did you eat it?’

So I told her,

and she said
well what could she say?
‘That’s the last time I give you any cake to take
to school.
Now go. Get out
no wait
not before you’ve washed your dirty sticky face.’
I went upstairs
looked in the mirror
and there it was,
just below my mouth,
a chocolate smudge.
The give-away.
Maybe she’ll forget about it by next week.

 

by Michael Rosen

 

Advertisement

Tesco Collection: Dark Chocolate Stem Ginger

Stem ginger coated with dark chocolate.

£5 from Tesco

In the confectionaries isle you can find these ‘Tesco Collection’ dark chocolate stem ginger sweets in a pine box. The mandala inspired design sticker, similar to the other Eastern designs used by Tesco in their ‘quality ‘ range (most notably their teas), on the cover of the pine box packaging is eye catching.

At the very least if you do not the sweets you have an approximately 12 x 12cm unvarnished box to use for keeping spare change or repurpose as a gift box for something else. The lid is a tight fitting panel and no doubt overtime would become looser from inevitable wear and tear. The interior or the box contains a few sheets of greaseproof paper to protect the pieces inside but otherwise this is minimal packaging and I am slightly conflicted by its use.

Certainly everything here is biodegradable however the manufacturing of the box is no doubt needlessly expensive and therefore counterintuitive if their aim was to provide something more eco-friendly. As the box is unvarnished there is a chance, though very minimal, you may get splinters from it. On the shelf it is shrink wrapped so there is no fear of the contents being contaminated or the packaging falling apart until you have taken it home.

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The confectionaries themselves are of high quality. You get about 20 pieces in each box although the information on the back of the box says it contain 6 servings i.e. 18 pieces. (I eat a few before writing this review and there were definitely more than 18).

The dark chocolate shell is quite thick and hard but I assume this is to retain the moisture of the core ginger root filling. The filling is quite substantial and is unmistakeably the warm, mildly intense, sensation of good quality ginger root. The warmth of the taste is luxurious and pleasantly remains after consumption. The packaging seems to suggest a serving of three pieces but personally I was satisfied to have one piece occasionally when the urge to snack struck.

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I think overall this is a nice treat although it is placed next to the larger gift box type chocolate selection trays. If you know someone who likes the taste of ginger then these come highly recommended and are reasonably priced when compared to the gift box chocolates. If nothing else you have a nice little utilitarian pine box to use as a repurposed gift box or to keep spare change and nick-knacks if you haven’t already got a place for such things.

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Ingredients:

Stem Ginger (65%), Dark Chocolate (35%).
Stem Ginger contains: Sugar, Ginger.
Dark Chocolate contains: Sugar, Cocoa Mass, Cocoa Butter, Emulsifier (Soya Lecthins), Vanilla Extract. Dark Chocolate contains: Cocoa Solids 50% minimum.

Allergy Advice: For allergens, see ingredients in bold. Also, may contain nuts and milk.

Suitable for vegetarians

Nutrition:

Typical values / 100g contains / Three pieces (29.4g) contain / % RI*
Energy / 1695kJ / 500kJ
/405Kcal / 120Kcal / 6%
Fat / 11.1g / 3.3g / 5%
Of which saturates 7.0g / 2.1g / 11%
Carbohydrates 72.3g / 21.3g
Of which sugars 64.2g / 18.9g / 21%
Fibre 1.0g / 0.3g
Protein 2.7g / 0.8g
Salt 0.0g / 0.0g / 0%

Pack contains 6 servings

*Reference intake of an average adult (8400kJ / 2000kcal)
Best before end: (doomsday… or a fortnight whichever comes first)

Store in a cool, dry place and out of direct sunlight

Recycling
Tissue: Paper Widely recycled
Box: Wood Not currently recycled
200g e

Our Promise
We are happy to refund or replace any Tesco product which falls below the high standard you expect. Just ask any member of staff. This does not affect your statutory rights.

We are here to help:
Freephone 0800 50 55 55, Mon-Sat, 9am-6pm.

Shop on-line at http://www.tesco.com

Produced in Turkey for Tesco Stores Ltd.,
Cheshunt EN8 9SL, U.K. © Tesco 2013. SC103650


Next week… is a mystery. I haven’t decided what to review yet. Maybe a ‘How to write a H. P. Lovecraft story’ piece as there are certain things he seems to use in almost every single story he writes (… and no I don’t mean just the xenophobia although I would discuss how often he relies on ‘otherness’ for impact and uses ethnic sterotyping as a shorthand for that). Maybe a review of a Dorota Masłowska play… although I would be reading it not reviewing a particular performance so I would’t be able to do a ‘stage layout’ etc as I did in past theatre reviews on this site.

Comment, Like, Follow – all are welcome 🙂

Ptasie Mleczko – Waniliowe

Dark Chocolate Covered Vanilla Marshmallow Confectionaries

380g (13.4 oz) Produced by E.Wedel

Available at Tesco and other retailers. The price I am not certain of as it was a gift. (approximately £4-7?)

Oryginalna wedlowska czekolada – Original wedlowska chocolate.

Gwarancje smaku [Translation: Taste guaranteed]
Otwórz i poczuj niebiański smak [Translation: Open and feel the heavenly taste]

DSC_0006bbbbbbbb

Ptasie Mleczko: to niebiańsko lekka i puszysta pianka ukryta pod warstwą kruchej czekolady. Nowy sposób zamknięcia chroni jego wyjątkowy aromat i najwyższą jakość na jeszcze dłużej. Odkrywaj więc warstwy niebiańskiego smaku kiedy chcesz i tak, jak lubisz.

[Translation: Ptasie Mleczko: A heavenly light and fluffy mousse hidden beneath a crisp chocolate coating. Our new method of closure protects its unique flavour and ensures the highest quality for even longer. Discover the layers of immense heavenly taste when you want and the way you want.]

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Background information: Ptasie Mleczko is a soft chocolate-covered Polish confectionary filled with soft meringue (or milk soufflé). In Russian it is called ptichye moloko (птичье молоко) and in Romanian lapte de pasăre. All these names literally mean “bird’s milk” or crop milk, a substance somewhat resembling milk, produced by certain birds to feed their young. However, this is not origin of the name; rather, ptasie mleczko is also a Polish idiom meaning “an unobtainable delicacy” (compare English: “hen’s teeth”; also, a similar idiom can be found in Bulgarian – тук/там и от пиле мляко има, meaning “even bird milk can be found here/there”).

In Poland, Jan Wedel, owner of the E. Wedel Company, developed the first Ptasie mleczko in 1936. Wedel’s inspiration for the name of the confectionery came from his voyages to France, when he asked himself: “What could bring greater happiness to a man who already has everything?” Then he thought: “Maybe only bird milk.”

In Poland it is one of the most recognized chocolate confectionery having exclusive rights in Poland for the name — other confectionery producers also make similar candies but named differently e.g. Alpejskie mleczko, “Alpine milk”.

In Russia ptichye moloko is both a popular candy and a famous soufflé cake. The brand was introduced in the Soviet times and is nowadays used by the companies operating the factories which produced these candies and cakes since that time. The candies are also produced in other post-Soviet states, in particular in Belarus, Ukraine, and Moldova.

Review: Very light confectionaries you will likely eat a few of before realising how many you consumed as they are so tasty but not feel the impact of. You will eat more than you intend because of the nice taste and texture. There is the distinct flavour of vanilla which was surprising as ‘vanilla’ has become a byword for ‘bland’ as things claiming to be vanilla flavoured often have no real taste at all. The chocolate coating is thin and crisp but still enough you can taste the chocolate rather than it being like a brittle, tasteless, sugar coating as is the case with many other confectionaries. The chocolate melts in the mouth so I do wonder what condition these would be in if you left them in a hot environment. The texture of the marshmallow is quite dense when compared to the sort of marshmallows you buy in a bag (usually coloured pastel pink and white) but is still quite springy in texture. Even though the marshmallow is dense the confectionaries themselves are exceptionally light so you will not feel burdened by the consumption of them. It is all about the flavour with them, as it should be with all confectionaries, not about a short lived sense of a full stomach or having a sugar rush as a substitute for eating a proper meal as is often the case when people snack instead of dine during the day.

There are 3 columns of 6 making for 18 pieces on each of the tray adding up to a total of 36 pieces all together in the box. The ‘new method’ they brag of that preserves the taste is basically cling film over a plastic carton within the cardboard casing. They are kept ‘fresh’ and in excellent condition by this but it seems odd to brag about it… that is probably why the inside of the lid is not translated into English as it is such a ludicrous boast to make.

I find Polish chocolates to be of a high quality, having often bought jeżyki chocolate bars in the past, and there is a certain sense of nostalgia in the taste of them as they no doubt use ingredient choices and techniques which have gone from the Western confectionary production industry for one reason or another. I highly recommend them as a fantastic alternative to the over saturated and growingly homogenised main brand chocolates we are growing all too willing to impulse buy due to brand recognition alone.

They don’t translate everything on the packaging but the few bits I had to attempt a translation of, so they sounded similar in tone to the English language equivalents by their competitors, are just the generic packaging boasts you will find on any number of products and all the key important information is printed clearly in English.

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Nutritional information: Wiesz co jesz – sprawdż GDA*:

Wartość odżywcza/Nutrition Information \ %GDA* w/per 10,6g \GDA* \ 100g \ 1 ostka/cube ~10,6g
Wartość energetycczna / Energy 2,4% 8400kJ 1842kJ 195kJ
2000kcal 440kcal 47kcal
Tłuszcz / Fat 3,3% 70g 22g 2,3g
W tym kwasy tłuszczowe nasycone / of which saturates 7,5% 20g 14g 1,5g
Weglowodany / Carbohydrates 2,3% 260g 58g 6,1g
W tym cukry / of which sugars 5,7% 90g 48g 5,1g
Białko / Protein 0,6% 50g 2,6g 0,3g
Sól / Salt <0,2% 6g 0,06g 0,01g
Produkt zaweira 36 x ~ 10,6g. / Product contains 36 x ~ 10,6g.

*GDA – Referencyjna wartość spożycia dla przeciętnej osoby dorosłej (8 400 kJ / 2 000kcal). Indywidualne zapotrzebowanie na energię i skladniki odżywcze może być wżsże lub niższe w zależności od płci, weiku, wysiłku fizycznego i innych czynników.

*Reference intake of an average adult (8 400 kJ / 2 000 kcal). Personal requirements for energy and nutrients may vary depending on age, sex, physical activity and other factors.

Ptasie Mleczko Waniliowe. Delikatna Pianka w Czekoldzie.

Skałdniki: Czekdolada deserowa 28% (Cukier, Miazga kakaowa, Tłuszcz kakaowy, Tłuszcz mleczny, Emulgatory: lectyna sojowa i E 476, Aromat), Cukier, Syrop glukozowy, Masło, Mieko zagęszczone słodzone, Roztwór cukru inwertowanego, Białko jaja w proszku, Substancja zelująca (agar), Regulator kwasowości (kwas cytrynowy), Substancja konserwująca (E202), Aromat, Naturalny aromat waniliowy. Czekolada deserowa: masa kakaowa minimum 47%

Ingredients: Dark chocolate 28% (Sugar, Cocoa mass, Cocoa butter, Milk fat,

Emulsifiers: soya lecithin and E476, Flavouring), Sugar, Glucose syrup, Butter, Sweetened condensed milk, Invert sugar solution, Dried egg white, Gelling agent, (agar), Acidity regulator (citric acid), Perservative (E202), Flavouring, Natural vanilla flavouring.Dark chocolate: cocoa solids 47% minimum.

CONTAINS MILK, EGG, SOYA. MAY CONTAIN PEANUTS, NUTS, CEREALS.

ZAWIERA MLEKO, JAJA, SOJĘ, MOŻE ZAWIERAĆ ORZECHY ARACHIDOWE, ORZECHY, ZBOŻA.

marka ptasie mleczko została stworzona w latach 30 tych xx wieku przez Jana Wedla i obecnie jest chroniona na terytorium Unii Europejskiej na rzecz LOTTE Wedel sp. z o.o. jako słowny znak towarowy
[Translation: The Ptasie mleczko brand was created in the 1930s, by John Wedel, and is now protected in the European Union for Lotte Wedel Sp. z oo as a trademark.]

Najlepiej spożyć przed: data na boku kartonika./ Best before: See side of box
LOTTE Wedel sp. z o.o.
Ul. Zamoyskiego 28/30
03-801 Warszawa
Polska/Poland
http://www.wedel.pl;
http://www.czekolada.pl
http://www.ptasiemleczko.pl/site/

Warto porozmawiać – Infolinia konsumencka [Translation: Customer Hotline]: 801 811 011 **
**Opłata według tary lokalnej. Only for Poland


I received these as a gift from a colleague a while ago but only now got around to reviewing finally. They are very good, give them a go. Many thanks Anna! 🙂

As a sign of my appreciation, and support of her work, I ask you to please visit the following site she has recently launched. It contains a number of venues to visit around Wales, and other parts of Britain, so even if you don’t speak Polish at least you can see the pictures, click on the links (which go to English language pages), stick the information in a translator and get some ideas of places to visit:

Polski? Proszę odwiedź:

Smok Walijski

Also here are some other links to other blogs that might be of interest:

[Polish language]: https://annawwalii.wordpress.com/
[English language]: https://annainwales.wordpress.com/


… and one day there will be reviews of some Jeżyki chocolate bars or selected works of Dorota Masłowska. But that will be a long time from now. One post a week is the standard for now although it would have been a good idea to prepare a number of posts so I could have done a ‘Polish Week’ of a post per day and got them all out of the way. Then I could do a Russian Week! Welsh Week! French Week! American Week! etc, etc and so on… but its just a lot of effort for one person unlike teams that run websites and can combine their efforts.

Comment, like or follow me – all are welcome 🙂

Marks & Spencer’s Belgian Triple Chocolate Cookies

£2 for one box but £3 if you take advantage of the ever present offer from the M&S range of premium biscuits.

Very rich tasting and the chocolate chunks melt in the mouth. Strong enough you could dip it in tea if that was your thing but crisp enough to have a satisfying bite. Not as soft and chewy as fresh made biscuits of this sort but that is in its favour as they can seem doughy. The chocolate almost instantaneously melts in your mouth as you chew it releasing its rich flavour. Definitely a better all-round biscuit than the crystallised stem ginger ones I bought with them. An indulgent item which lives up to its name.

But onto the important bit and provide you with the box information so you are not stood in the store reading off ingredients and coming across as a bit too obsessive about your diet. Personally I find that with the more enjoyable taste you are also going to pay by it being that much worse for you nutrition wise. This is a ‘treat’ kind of biscuit not something you should be eating every day.

Per cookie 461kJ / 110 kcal
Energy 6% of your RI
Per 100g 2151kJ / 515 kcal

Chocolate cookies with chunks of dark, milk and white Belgian chocolate half coated in Belgian dark chocolate.

Not suitable for nut allergy suffers.

Ingredients: Wheatflour contains gluten, Calcium Carbonate, Iron, Niacin, Thiamin) Belgian Dark Chocolate (17%) (Sugar – Cocoa Mass – Cocoa Butter – Emulsifier: Soya Lecithin – Vanilla Flavouring) –– Butter (Milk) – Belgian Dark Chocolate Chunks (13%) (Sugar – Cocoa Mass – Cocoa Butter – Emulsifier: Soya Lecithin – Vanilla Flavouring) – Sugar – Belgian Milk Chocolate Chunks (8%) (Sugar – Dried Whole Milk – Cocoa Butter – Cocoa Mass – Emulsifier: Soya Lecthin – Vanilla Flavouring) – Belgian White Chocolate Chunks (7%) (Sugar – Dried Whole Milk – Cocoa Butter – Dried Skimmed Milk – Emulsifier: Soya Lecthin – Vanilla Flavouring) – Golden Syrup (Invert Sugar Syrup) – Fat Reduced Cocoa Powder – Raising Agent: E450, Sodium Bicarbonate, E503 – Salt. Belgian Dark Chocolate contains Cocoa Solids 46% minimum. Belgian Dark Chocolate Chunks contain Cocoa Solids39% minimum. Belgian Milk Chocolate Chunks contain Cocoa Solids 25% minimum, Milk Solids 14% minimum. Belgian White Chocolate Chunks contain Milk Solids 25% minimum.

For allergens see ingredients in bold.

Not suitable for Nut allergy sufferers due to manufacturing methods

Suitable for vegetarians

NUTRITION Serves/Portions: 7
Typical values: Per 100g / per cookie (21g)
Energy kJ 2151 / 461
Energy kcal 515 110
Fat 27.9g / 6g
Of which saturates 17.6g / 3.8g
Carbohydrates 58.1g / 12.5g
Of which sugars 41.2g / 8.8g
Fibre 4.0g / 0.9g
Protein 5.8g / 1.2g
Salt 0.63g / 0.13g

Reference intake (adult) Energy 8400kJ / 2000kcal

Fat 70g Saturates 20g Sugars 90g Salt 6g

STORAGE For Best Before, see front of pack. Store in a cool, dry place. Once opened, store in an airtight container.

125g along side one of those scannable code things and a recycling ying yang arrows sign.

French / NL versions of ingredients are also provided

Made in Scotland.

SC6324
Copyright Marks and Spencer plc
PO Box 3339 Chester
CH99 9QS
United Kingdom

Marksandspencers.com

FSC MIX Paper FSC C002324
Tray – Minimum
50% recycled plastics
Recyclable Carton – Paper – Widely recycled.
Recyclable Tray – Plastics – Check local recycling
Recyclable film – plastics – Not currently recycled


The other box of biscuits along with the ones that had gigner in them. I prefer these ones although the pieces of crystalised ginger were very nice in the others. Marks and Spencers really want you to know how dedicated they are to their civic duty of recycling.

Next time on the misadventures in blogging… we will see. Hopefully on the weekend get around to reviiewng the stage production of The Woman In Black I saw recently.