Knee
jerk, irreverent, reactions to watching the live final… a fortnight
late because no one looks at these posts but it’s a useful reference.
This year themes and notable moments : Bland performances by singers with songs that don’t suit their voices, lots of 1990s feeling costumes and songs, conservative boybands, performers dressed like fighting game characters and zettai ryouiki.The sentences will be legible but I won’t tidy the grammar up so it retains that ‘instant reaction’ tone. Ukraine again makes a political statement regarding Russia but this time end up withdrawing an none of their chosen acts will perform for them due to the terms of the contract they proposed but Maruv is allowed to perform her song especially for the interval as a gesture of goodwill to her by the contest. Madonna is showing her age and gets a very muted response from the audience when she performs during the interval.
I’ll put the key sentences of each country’s commentary in bold for the lazy Tl;Dr casual scanning readers looking for specific content.
[edit: on a side note it’s the same ‘flame columns’ pyrotechnics very act seemed to have so I guess it was that or nothing which was allowed… which is very restrictive. In fact the ‘screen’ visual effects were also very limited this year. On the whole this year felt like a downgrade from previous years and really makes you appreciate how much effort other countries put into the experience while Israel puts out a ‘budget’ version and yet has the cheek during one of the intervals to hire Gal Gadot to promote the country to people for tourism].
*
* *
Malta : Chameleon –
Michela Pace
Nice song but completely the wrong tone of voice for it. Staging isn’t much. One year someone will dress as the european comic character Corto Maltese and boom… there’ll be a mass flood of fan votes. Very 90s style of costume. The sacrificial lamb first act of this year. A generic pop song. I am certain I’ve heard songs exactly like this on the radio. Knee socks and a jacket with see through vinyl sleeves, ending with denim cuffs, on a denim jacket. Odd look once you pay attention and one not seen since 1990s British girl bands.
Albania : Ktheju
Tokës – Jonida Maliqi
The song title means ‘return
to your land’ – so there’s a mild unintentional xenophobic tone to
the title until you hear the song. I like it as it represents the
heritage of Albania’s music with a modern twist. Then again I’ve
been playing Koudelka and the Shadow Hearts series of games and the
soundtrack has echoes of similar ‘epic ballad’ aspects so it’s a mild
unintentional bias by me there. Pretty standard staging of a singer
in operatic looking dress with backing singers. I liked it in
context. [edit: after hearing all the songs I favour it a bit more
for at least taking a risk compared to the more pop song like
entries].
Czech Republic :
Friend of a Friend – Lake Malawi
Catchy song. For a moment
the guy sounds like he has an Essex accent when saying the girl moved
back in which caught me completely off guard… that was random. Yes,
nice beat. The lyrics, just like many from the boy band One
Direction’s, have a slightly sinister entilted misogynistic tone to
them yet you never hear it commented on openly ‘he’s cute and
misunderstood and I can fix him so it’s okay if he doesn’t treat me
well and always gives be backhanded compliments implying I’m nothing
without his love as he can see past how ugly I am to my true beauty
in supporting him’. Boy bands and romance novels is where all those
life long insecurities begin. Nothing new when you look back to
Wuthering Heights and other classics. Three handsome guys in
trainers, skinny jeans, baggy jumpers playing instruments playing
repetitive inoffensive music… Every teenager girls wet dream… to
be honest you can imagine them being drowned out by the screams of
teenage girls at a concert. Inoffensive stuff but the longer it
goes on the more low energy it feels.
Germany : Sister –
S!sters
A blonde and brunette duet.
Call each other sister.. but, plot twist, they are not sisters. It’s
nice. A good solid entry with a good rhythm and perfomance with
stripped back staging. Instantly forgettable though but you can
imagine it being used in a pivitol scene in a feel good drama’s
climax when two friends reunite after some disagreement or
something. It’s a nice song but maybe didn’t capture people’s
hearts. [edit: public vote = 0
points… so indeed it didn’t].
Russia : Scream –
Sergey Lazarev
You already realise this
blog will be biased towards this entry but in fairness they tend to
have quite solid entries in fairness year on year usually. It’s a
solid entry and a strong contender. Building chorus and
everything. Again throwing everything at it instrumentally and
staging wise though the vocals might feel a bit softer than you’d
hope when listening to it. Actually the staging with the multiple
screens gets a little ridiculous and I wonder if there should be some
rule against some aspects used as it felt a bit like it ended on an
echo effect/recording. Very good though… I’ll forget it it soon
enough. He took part in 2008? or 2018?
Denmark : Love Is
Forever – Leonora
A very 2000s song. It
reminds me of someone like Kate Nash. It looks nice when you
watch the video but bear in mind she starts off with her back to the
audience so it’s not as good an experience when there in person. A
giant chair… it reminds me of those American photos of workmen
eating their lunch on skyscraper worksites miles bove the city
skyline. It’s a nice simple song. I mean once everyone’s sat up
on there you spend more time in anticipation of someone falling off
more than anything…
San Marino : Say Na
Na Na – Serhat
Serhat is a dentist and
claimed this took 5 minutes to write. Well yeah with lyrics like ‘na
na’ I’m not expecting it to have been a struggle. It’s… very
karaoke friendly. Another ‘I swear I saw this in the late 90s’ entry.
Staging wise they have that effect that looks like the video files
got corrupted for the background imagery and just went with it.
It’ll get in the highlight reel for the year no doubt. It’s
enjoyable. You won’t forget the chorus. Then he begins getting
‘yeah going crazy’… yes. Na na na. Say na na na. Say na na na…
sayonara San Marino. Everyone, costume wise, looks like they’re going
to the tennis court immediately after performance.
North Macedonia :
Proud – Tamara Todevska
Sincerity. Well this is
hitting all the buttons for me. Opera length dress and husky
voice. Motivational lyrics. Maudline tone. I’ll be honest it does
look like her dress slipped down due to the ‘exposed bra cups’
design. That’s as sexy as it gets this conservative year. It’s
enjoyable. Another ‘you’ll hear it on an advert or during a moment in
a drama’ song. Never really hits the pinacle I was hoping might
arrive before the end so it feels incomplete.
Sweden : Too Late for
Love – John Lundvik
Striped back staging with
the one ‘caught escaping’ light behind him. Strong lyrics. Nice
lead into the beat and then cuts back to vocal priority. Yes strong
entry. Enjoyable. It’ll do well I assume. I can see them twisting
this for Brexit/other conflicts use in future. No doubt we will
hear this again over the next few years.
Slovenia : Serbi –
Zala Kralj & Gašper Šantl
They met on Instagram
apparently. The intro reminds me of a lot of Sting’s songs.
She looks like she has Down’s Syndrome. If she actually has it’s very
progressive to feature her. I would like more, staging wise, if
they didn’t have her stood singing right into his face as he plays
the guitar. I like the song for that sort of lamenting tone it
has but… it probably isn’t going to do good if people want an
upbeat song this year. Both wear white and hold hands later on
but it’s very… teenagers at a school assembly talent show due to
how they’re dressed. Bit of a mantra quality to it. It’ll be big
with the normie ‘I like feeling creeped out’ audience and those who
think that the couple look a bit incestuous. I like the song and her
voice – it’s just they don’t look like they gel together visually
and are a bit too awkward on stage which in turn makes the audience
feel a bit awkward watching. The song is good though. I want to hear
it again [edit: …and this is one of, if the only, song of the
finalists I honest can say that about this year].
Cyprus : Replay –
Tamta
Vinyl zettai
ryouiki. [Other acts also feature
it so maybe this was the only way to be ‘sexy’ this year due to the
more conservative nature of performers’ costumes due some behind the
scenes mandate the public never heard of]. She
is dressed the way early 3D fighting game characters dressed due to
low polygon counts. Then the pull the top off and it’s even more like
a costume of that era of gaming! It’s a generic sounding dance
track… nothing else to add really. I forgot it instantly in indeed
I was even able to remember it as I was listening to it.
Netherlands : Arcade
– Duncan Laurence
One of, if not the,
favourites this year going into the finals according to bookies
etc. Yeah this has ‘Eurovision winner’ written over it the way
‘a Hollywood film where an attractive actor ‘goes ugly’ for a role by
putting weight on [Chris Hemsworth as ‘fat Thor’ is in the running no
doubt this year by that logic] or portrays disability or depicting
ficitionalised real life events of someone’s experiences during World
War’ 2 has ‘Oscar winner’ written all over it. Anthemic. Sad.
Warbbling. He mimes playing the piano. Yeah this will be top 2
if it doesn’t win. [Spoiler: It wins.]
Greece : Better Love
– Katerine Duska
Distinctive voice… it’s
the vocal equivilant of Marmite. Balletic sword fighters duel
weilding. Dancers fluttering wings. A arched churchdoorway
mini-stage. I like it but that voice is going to throw a lot of
people off. ARGH when she goes for high notes! She’s one of those
women who is single and you wonder why then you hear her voice… I
joke. It’s a nice song and the staging is very nice. Nonetheless
that voice is going to lose votes probably. Very ‘Florence + the
Machine’ in style.
Israel : Home – Kobi
Marimi
”Hometown Hero” – no
one was allowed to see them rehearse so… could be amazing could be
a shitshow. Those rhymes… I… he is losing me with every line.
The chorus aiding him improves it… but indeed it’s very much f a
‘this is me’ generic rising chorus ‘confidence gaining’ song from a
musical. I like the ‘beams of lighting’ staging watching it but
having been at events using it it’s a death ray if you’re sat in the
wrong seats and get blasted by it for minutes straight. It’s a
nice song… the warbling highnote at the end kind of mutes it. Good
response as he’s the home hero but… eh it’ll do okay but it’s not
the best.
Norway : Spirit in
the Sky – KeiiNO
George Harrison. Admit it
you too were wondering if it was going to be a cover though those are
not allowed at Eurovision. Primark military style jacket. Essex face
lift pony tail for the lady and… IT’S THE YODELLING BALD MAN!
INSTANT WINNER! Nice dance track but that yodelling man… damn
that’s a winner addition! He even gets a solo!!! and Yggdrasil,
the tree of life from Norse legend, makes an appearance! Eurovision
gold!
United Kingdom :
Bigger Than Us – Michael Rice
From Hartlypool. The British
entry so maybe I’ll be mildly bias. It’s a nice ballad. I don’t
think he starts on the right note… Anthemic but subdued. It
could go any way to be honest. Who are we kidding he’s the British
entry… as soon as he gets in the greenroom they’ll get him as drunk
as possible to numb the inevitable pain of the low votes. If we
get on the left side of the score board it’ll be a small miracle.
It’s a nice pop song. I honestly feel a bit more impact was needed
though. I mean the backing vocalists almost drown him out on at least
one occasion. He thanks Europe and says he is living his dream
performing there Cool, good manners. Good boy.
* * * * *
Midpoint: The male presenter
behind stage, in he green room, asks the San Marino entrant Serhat
the dentist a question then cuts him off before he can answer
properly. ‘Presenters being presenters’ as ever… can’t cut into
that running time even to be polite.
Here are some comments by
the British Eurovision commentator Graham Norton about the entries:
* * * * *
Iceland : Hatrið mun
sigra – Hatari
‘Hatred will Prevail’ is the
meaning of the title. Thus very ‘anti-Eurovision’. Very
anti-capitalist too aparently. Weirdly electro-punk with
industrial style accoustics. I like.Eurovision needs more
rock music like this and Lordi. Flame spikes. Edward Scissorhands
outfit and mohawks. Well this is my favourite but it won’t win. No
doubt people are claiming it scares them, for some reason or other
just because it’s not mainstream, as if they’re going to wake up
suspended from the ceiling in a gimp costume as part of someone’s sex
dungeon… such people shouldn’t have been allowed to read 50 Shades
of Grey as it’s given them ideas. Saying that it should have been
about 30 seconds shorter as I got bored by the end.
Estonia : Storm –
Victor Crone
Pretty guy in a leather
jacket with an acoustic guitar. Mr generic cool guy to every
generation… He will have a better than he would otherwise as a
contrast to Iceland’s entry no question. Even got some clapping along
early on by the audience wanting to spirit away the dark energy
Iceland left them with. Nice breezy song. I enjoy it. Might be a
bit too ‘seen it already’ due to others having similar songs though.
Really the longer it goes on the more I think ‘I’ve heard that bit
elsewhere…’ Enjoyable though. Apparently augmented effects were
used. That’s becoming more common for the staging on the night of
course.
Belarus : Like It –
Zena
She reminds me of the
blogger Angelika Oles. Then she has one of those hot pink and white
with black accent outfits that looks like a
cross between an F1 pit girl and a gogo dancer.
She has B-boy backing dancers. Nothing
really stands out. Zettai
ryouiki again and a bared midrift.
The only two areas acceptable in clean family entertainment to
indicate sex appeal. [edit: when I typed that I was thinking of
Princess Jasmine from Disney’s Aladdin only to find out in the live
action film version they give her a most conservative costume with a
corset like covering for her midriff]. The
song is an ‘also ran’. Even when listening to it it wasn’t sticking
with me. ‘Impossible’ you say? You’d
be surprised.
Azerbaijan : Truth –
Chingiz
Thumping beat. Robot arms. A
laser on his chest like the Predator is about to kill him. Husky male
voice singing. Good good. Goes into a higher register but fine. ‘shut
up about it’ he chants.. in a song called Truth… interesting. Yeah
nice song but not going to get too high. More about the staging
with the electro girl head than anything really. He is dressed like a
character from a 1980-90s SNK beat-em up. No really. Look up
‘King of Fighters’ and you’ll find his outfit on a guy with a
ponytail. It’s the year of ‘beat-em up costumes!
France : Roi – Bilal
Hassani
A feminine looking man. He
is like the lead male character from the most recent trilogy of SNK’s
King of Fighters games! Or Remy from Street Fighter III! He’s also
deaf and doesn’t conform to gender stereotypes apparently. The
‘progressive’ vote then but also he would get the Japanese
boyband vote too if there was one. ABBA outfit. On fleek eyebrows.
Guy will launch his own makeup Youtube channel and brand if he hasn’t
got one already. Obese dancer… she actually moves quite well.However they replace her with a tiny Asian lady soon enough.
He reminds me of an anime Bishonen (pretty boy) or androgenous
villain with his look. No seriously go look up anime and scroll down
the images and I am certain you’ll find someone with his look. As for
the song… it’s a standard Eurovision entry. Good but you’ll
forget about it.
Italy : Soldi –
Mahmood
The ‘I like rap’ option
for what it’s worth. Badass in a hawaiian shirt and earring with
one of those wallet chains you’ve not seen since the 2000s with
American skater punk bands like Limp Biskit or Sum41. Clap clap.
You’ll hear this in the clubs. It’ll get a really good dance remix.
It feels a little lifeless on the night unfortunately compared to
others. It really needed the audience participation to go wild for it
and they didn’t. The backing dancers I swear pulled off a few
American line dancing moves a few times by boot scooting… It’s a
good song by itself but not one that will ultimately win Eurovision.
Serbia : Kruna –
Nevena Božović
The title means ‘crown’.
Slow ballad. Has the look of a rocksinger in the 1980s… like
Bonnie Tyler. She reminds me of the film ‘White Chicks’.
The design of her dress to show the leg with an intentional arch of
fabric instead of a split is a bit forced as if they put the top of a
jukebox on her. I like it. Of the ballads I probably like it best.
I kind of wish she didn’t alternate language as it probably would
sound better in just the one. Also thanks the crowd. Good good.
Enjoyed it.
Switzerland : She Got
Me – Luca Hänni
They last won in 1988 with
Celine Dion apparently. The boy band entry… well ‘one man boy
band’ entry. Flashing lights and all the tricks. Well
choreographed. The backing dancers being dressed in red, in red
light, with a red background makes them barely viewable if you’re
there in the crowd and not by the front. It’s a nice upbeat entry.
All the boys go… All the girls go… Everyone goes… eh, it’s
alright and I can dance to it so it’s got that going for it. He’s
got that leather vest under a sleeveless jacket look which no one can
pull off… and again I’ve seen that costume on a fighting game
character I swear. [edit: e.g. Robert Garcia in both SNK’s ‘Art of
Fighting’ and ‘King of Fighters’ series]
Australia : Zero
Gravity – Miller – Hedke
Australia is in Europe
everyone jokes… and yet still they compete. At least others are
geographically close if not in Europe. Ice queen outfight with tiara
crown. It’s a flying Statue of Liberty. Yodelling woman…
cunning. I like it. Then it goes all ‘electro-dance beat… well this
is going to compete hard then. Are they all on stilts? Oh no they’re
on… sticks. I’m sure the staging is amazing if you’re there but it
looks comical at home. I’m getting ‘Christ at the Crucifixion’
vibes due to the crown and there being three of them. The ‘death
of Liberty’ undertext. It’s pick up votes from oldschool Eurovision
lovers no question.
Spain : La Venda –
Miki
Comic panel staging. It’s
meant to be a house but nope. Full on 6 panel newspaper comic
look. Very upbeat and fun. This will get votes for it and by
people who’ve forgotten all the others. Weird light giant thing
on stage too. Fun. The backing dancers look like they are meant to
be doing an exercise at home doe a ‘exercise at home with [insert
name of a reality TV celebrity]’ moneygrabbing name recognition
exercise video. This should get quite a few votes. Good one to
end on. It’s been a bit of a dour year to be honest with far too
many ‘safe’ entries.
* * *
Apparently if you vote you
get a thank you video from the artist you voted for. They did that
for the Olympics too for some reason.
While you vote they showed
previous years’ winners singing other winners’ songs and some
favourites of the past. Quite interesting really. They did it as a
sort of Cabaret thing. Conchita’s outfit took inspiration from Hakke
Andrey a character from Atlus’ Maken X computer game it seems.
* * *
Madonna appears and does a
song. Like a wild pokemon in the long grass. Wearing an eyepatch with
a costume suggesting both pirate and pearly queen of London’s
Eastend. Promoting her album Madam X. Then gives some inspirational
words to the performers which come across as a bit patronising. A
presenter says she knows what she is talking about which… yes
please tell musicians to pay attention for some life advice as if
it’s not their career and think it’s not at all insulting to them you
grovelling little scab. Madonna? Knowing about being a successful
singer? No really? Musicians performing at Euroviosn not knowing
their stuff? Really? Then she quotes her own song and tries to get
people to repeat it but it falls flat.
Then someone else performs.
Oh it’s Ukraine who pulled
out of the contest! Except not really. Ukraine forbade Maruv to
compete because she had toured in Russia and so Eurovision let her
perform her song as a sign of goodwill on their part though not
representing Ukraine obviously.
(Not Ukraine) interval
act: MARUV – Siren Song (Bang!)
Well you can’t lose if you
don’t compete! Oh yeah this is far too sexual for this year’s tastes.
They’d have to tame it down immensely. Phwoar nonetheless. Going for
that dad vote like Poland did a few years ago with their ‘My
Słowianie – We Are Slavic’ milk churning women in traditional ress
performance in 2014 but Maruv makes it clearly more dominatrix in
tone.
However I recorded it as ‘a
song called something like ‘Boee (Come With Me)’ was played at this
point. I assume in hindsight it was Maruv as the lyric ‘come with me’
is mentioned.
I prefer music reflect the
culture of the performers and this does. I wish more of the songs had
followed this tone as it makes it much more interesting than the
euro-pop that got humoginised over time and then got a slight revival
due to developments in staging with back projection, slim large 4K HD
monitors and such.
Also the ‘political protest
is not allowed’ seems a rule very weakly enforced depending on which
country is saying it. Here’s one video about the events happening
outside the event.
Quavo appears. His first
time at Eurovision. He is, like Madonna, dressed as if they’re
filming a Mad Max or Waterworld sequel. He says his mom grew up
listening to Madonna. Mikedrop moment as if he had been throwing
shade intentionally or not…
Then a mentalist trick with
a ‘not Derren Brown’ guy to pad the run time while the votes are
going on.
Then ‘chicken song’ [a.k.a.
‘Toy’] singer Netta, who won last year, appeared in a yellow ‘na na
banana’ dress with a new song. It’s like a song for preschool
children got given a remix… When a 9 year old girl is asked what
she wants at her birthday party I image something like this. She
wants a classy evening dress affair dinner party but then she also
wants bright colours and pop music.
Then Madonna, after the
third or fourth reminder of all the entrants, fnally performed.
Everyone was waiting for another ‘throttled by her cape’ moment of
course. The staging screams Gregorian chanting monks even without
the costumes. So it’s one more step down the ‘no, I’m not being
blasphemous’ road like her videos in the 1980s which got her in
trouble with the Catholic church back then. They’re trying to make
her songs sound like anthemic hymns by doing them a beat or so slower
tempo wise with chanting backing singers and a beats machine. I
mean… okay. But it’s also weird considering it’s what you would
hear if all the sound equipment failed at a concert.
Then the monks carry logs or
pillars up the steps. She seems out of breath. Then she does a
quasi-Shakespearean bit with one dancer to Tchaikovsky’s the sugar
plum fairy… the dancer has a white gas mask on and a flower
crown which seems quite political surely. Weird segway. Then the
Quavo guy turns up with heavy vocal balancing effects on his voice
and Madonna sounds like she is underwater.
She got a muted response in
the hall…
* * *
The VOTES:
The.. vote… finally… the
votes… it seemed shorter between the final act and the votes when
they used to allow more entrants per year than it does with these
never ending interval acts and padding.
Then the presenters have
Gal Gadot turn up in a VT promoting the country… because what
else can they do to pad it out even further. I don’t recall over host
coutries doing this but maybe I’m forgetting them.
Jokes about Israelis but in
a self-depricating manner. However only on light topics like music
and things that come across as an advert for the country’s tourism
board. Gosh ren’t we a quirky fun country? Nothing bad happens here.
Just forget all the active warzone on the borders kind of stuff – we
are all about the chicken song and Gal Gadot. Forget the whole
ongoing conflict you might get caught up in as a visitor… it’s all
good here we love everyone… well except ‘those people‘…
but apart from them everyone is welcome.
Jury votes!!!
It starts off with last
year’s host Portugal with Inez whoever she is… 12 to Netherlands…
We, Britain, gave 12 to
North Macedonia…. the power of ‘dressing like your on the pull on a
girl’s night out and it’s 2.30AM’ wins us over.
Russia has a piano player to
do the point announcement…. after doing a brief recital piece. I
mean all the point announcers are having a 30 second of fame moment I
guess though they’re famous people in their own country anyway and
it’s not enough time for people to remember them… presumably.
Greece had an electric guitar rock band guy too.
And now I’ll just recount
the ones who gave Britain points… any at all… and let’s not think
‘potential trade union deal partners post-Brexit?’ while doing it.
Norway – 2 points.
Hungary – 2 points.
Belarus – 5 points [also
phwoar… shockingly the only true one this year it seems! Actually
was she on a previous year?]
Armenia – 2 points
Georgia – 1 point.
Switzerland – 1 point
13 professional jury points
in total! We are not ‘nul point’ this year! Others are doing worse
than us and that’s as good as we can ask!
We gave Norway 12 points…
wel they gave us two so that’s okay…
The public vote
3 points from the public.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUU…. well that’s this year’s sacrificial lamb done
with.
Germany got no public
points… brutal.
Once it was down to Sweden
vs Netherlands they dragged out the final announcement to up the
tension for no good reason repeating that Sweden needed 253 points.
They got 93.
The winner was… The
Netherlands with 492 points. 1975 was the last time they won.
Last year’s winner hands the trophy to the new winner. The run up to
get it is dragged out. The music loops. He holds it aloft.
Someone, somewhere is shedding tears. Others are sat on the toilet
evacuating their bowels. It’s over for another year.
So another year and another
low ranking place. Once it as due to participation in the Iraq war…
now it’s Brexit. In fairness some of the entries were bad and others
were just throwing something at it and seeing if it would work some
years. Some years we actually had good acts, others were ‘bring out
the old horses to flog’ and a few were ‘sod it we just can’t be
bothered’.
The presenters thank the
broadcaster and it’s almost 2AM in Israel and they’ve still to wheel
the piano out. They skip it and have him miming the piano this time
(not that he was playing it anyway probably). He calls on the
audience to sing the chorus with him as streamers fall from above.
Reign well God-king of
the Netherlands, ride unto the shores of Valhalla all shiny and
chrome upon the unplayed piano that is your steed. Let the thundering
arsecheeks of the farting oarsmen clpa their rhythm in your wake. Let
the warble of your voice be the birdsong that sends your opponents to
their fate. Their defeat was a foregone conclusion as the fates
foretold through their oracles bookie’s stakes…
* * *
Bonus: Those who
didn’t make it to the finals
For the first year of doing
these I’ll also include those who fell before the final hurdle. Sadly
I actually liked some of them more than those acts who were in the
grand final!
Semi-Finalists
Armenia : Walking Out
– Srbuk
Zettai ryouiki
again… it must have been the fashion this year. The only flesh
allowed to be shown to be ‘sexy’ without offending Israeli TV censors
I assume. Pyro technics which really punctuate the end of the song
but… the whole song is in minor key
though you feel it should be in major so… it was good but I can see
why on balance some other acts edged it out into being in the finale.
Ireland : 22 – Sarah
McTernan
The checkerboard pattern and
popart featured gives the staging that aesthetic retro ‘1950s yet
with a 1990s twist’ I recall a few British boybands having in some of
their music videos. Red leather skirt ad strappy heels – again
sexy in a conservative manner. She has a husky voice which I
don’t feel fits the song and the syling they’ve used as you
associate the 1950s with higher pitched singers of that era… this
song if it was more upbeat with a different singer would definitely
sound more like a 1950s hit but instead it sounds a little like it is
meant to act as an ‘in those good old days’ reflective sad ballad but
it just doesn’t work. A different song would have worked with her
voice. So it’s understandable they didn’t progress to the final. Oh
and obviously it’s a surprise Ireland didn’t get into the finals but
this probably isn’t the first time ever though, from a British
perspective, we tend to notice their absence.
Moldova : Stay – Anna
Odobescu
Using sand/salt art
projected onto a screen is interesting but I think it was done in
previous years and… I’m not sure but I think that’s the Ukrainian
artist, Kseniya Simonova, who is famous for it they have doing it
live on the stage with the singer… wait yes I just confirmed it’s
her. Well considering Ukraine pulled out this year as a
protest [and yet did the interval somehow] I am assuming she is
going to be getting a lot of criticsm in her homeland… [apparently
not in hindsight]. Anyway the singer is wearing a dress which is
half 1980s wedding dress and half modern ‘going out tonight’ dress.
Heer voice reminds me of the American singer Anastacia. It’s very
much a dramatic Eurovison style ballad and I enjoy it so I’m a bit
surprised it didn’t get through considering how bland some of the
fianlists were. Maybe some of the notes didn’t hit the heights the
judges would have liked to give that extra punch to the songs impact.
Latvia : That Night –
Carousel
I feel this and the
Slovenian entry would have been an interesting juxtapositon to each
other. Apparently there was only room for one soft song of this
type this year and the young couple had the better ‘story’. A simple
lace dress with boots and a wide brimmed hat to give that summertime
mood when singing the reflective romantic song while accompanied by a
3 piece accompaniment. They all look much older in the official
video. It’s a nice easy listening song. The singer has a charm
making her appealling but I guess it was just too mellow for this
year’s judges which is a shame as it would get my vote.. if I was the
sort to vote for these things. Ultimately the stripped back staging
with just a swaying dance, with a few turning walks, was just too
little of an impact for a contest that seems to need more and more
spectacle in the projected visuals nowadays.
Romania : On a Sunday
– Ester Peony
Interesting costumes where
it’s rhinestone/sequins covered eveningsuit wear on top with a
punk-charcoal puffskirt rock lower half with platform Goth boots.
Phwoar. You know who her look reminds me of? Missy from Dr Who a
few years ago. The dancers look like they are meant to
promoting a computer game… specifically the character designs of
the fighter when the Mortal Kombat series first dabbled in 3D
use. It’s going for that sort of alternative rock look but the
song is a quite traditional Eurovison ballad. It’s an also ran
entry ultimately. Take the dancers away and it’s not got anything
unique in the song itself. Singer phwoar; song snore. The
first line or so she has very odd pronunciation for Sunday as if
warbling the line. The backing singers have an oddly ‘baby doll’ look
to them. It’s all very ‘what fashion designers think of when given
the brief to produce something ‘dark’ themed so they break out the
black fethers, leather books and harsh tailoring or otherwise go to
the Gothic Lolita side of the ‘dark’ spectrum. Indeed it is
understandable why this didn’t get to the finale though I’m certain
the singer is capable of better than this when allowed to do her own
thing. I don’t get the audience’s reaction when the pyrotechnics go
off unless they were not expecting them as they showed appaulled by
them from their tone not excited as you might expect. Maybe they were
too cloe to them.
Austria : Limits –
Pænda
A soft uplifting song for
the most part though it has one point towards the end where she
sounds quite bad. Lighting gradually growing with the intensity.
Her costume really doesn’t fit with the style of song. Is she wearing
a dress or trousers? It’s just she has the look of a middle aged
woman desperate to pull on Fridy night in the local bar kind of
aura… [also considering the look of many of this years acts she
is showing too much skin for the judges’ /broadcaster’s liking no
doubt]. She sounds like she hits a lot of bad notes when she gets to
the more intense moments. A very disjointed entry and indeed one I
can definitely understand didn’t get through. If anything it
represents my issue with this year everything is far too restrained
and dull. The songs are all too focused on presenting something which
appeals to the broadest dynamic and so instead of something memorable
it’s all of the lowest common denominator.
Croatia : The Dream –
Roko
Taking the lyrics and the
whole ‘I’m an angel in a lake of fire’ aesthetic into account…
is he meant to be playing Lucifer?! I mean that’s gutsy to be
doing that in Israel of all places… Then the backing dancers come
down and honestly it’s the look you see as a parody of an ‘overly
pretentious pop act’. The song is nice enough but I think they
shot themselves in the foot with their visual concept…
Lithuania : Run with
the Lions – Jurij Veklenko
This would have been an
interesting contrast with the Greek entry as both have distinctive
vocalists. Visually there’s all the ‘generic stylish young
handsome guy’ boxes ticked. He sings surprisingly high for a lot of
the song if I’m honest. I know there’s singer/songwriters like
Passenger who are like that but it’s not an easy sell for most
people. The song is decent if generic. It’s quite bland and
forgettable to be honest though there’s nothing wrong with it to
be honest.
* * *
Non-Qualified
Countries
Hungary : Az én
apám – Joci Pápai
Straight away I feel this
has a lot more impact than many got through to the finals. It really
gets a good reaction from the audience there. Barring the ‘performing
in bare feet’ bit he is very much in the standard ‘generic safe male
performer’ visually. It’s actually shocking someone of this
calibre didn’t get through. There’s
not much to add. It’s disappointing this didn’t get through as it
would have done well.
Montenegro : Heaven –
D mol
Dance music start. Very
conservative outfits… maybe a little too conservative as they
remind me of American Evangelical preachers. The third guy is
very nasal which sticks out like a sore thumb for his moment. It’s
the sort of song you can imagine having been performed about ten
years ago at the latest. They’re all decent but in a year of bland
they’re the wrong kind of bland. They’re not ‘what a middle aged
panel of judges thinks appeals to young people these days’
inoffensively safe but just ‘old fashioned’ safe. Too safe in a year
I felt was overly safe… which is kind of tragic.
Georgia : Keep on
Going – Oto Nemsadze
I still recall previous
years entries by them. Georgia is the country always certain to do
entries I thoroughly enjoy and would listen to independent of the
Eurovision contest. Each year I forget and each year they surprise me
and I recall the quality the country produces. I like this but it
is in stark contrast to many other more mainstream, safely
commerical, entries this year so got excluded for a ‘smoother’
running order experience I guess with only Iceland being the notable
‘see we let different acts take part’ token gesture entry. The
wailing bit really adds support to his main vocals. Then a male choir
chorus too! And pyrotechnics?! They really built this up throughout
the song to a good climax. And he even thanks the audience which not
every act does. They were robbed of a place! This is my
‘spiritual’ victor who sadly didn’t get placed!
Finland : Look Away –
Darude feat. Sebastian Rejman
Leather jacket and blue
jeans… is it the 1980s, 90s or 2019? A dance track song. Yeah it’s
okay. Dance music isn’t my thing though it’s one of the pan European
crowd pleasers. It would have stuck out a little this year but
like some others feels like it’s missing the ‘punch’ it needed to
just get a bit more traction. It’s better than some of the finalists
to be honest. Generic for a previous year but for now it would have
been distinctive. The dancer does very well considering all eyes
are on her more than him during it. Oh it’s Darude… and he
didn’t get through?! Shock result! Even I know who he is! Maybe
he was felt to be a ‘ringer’ being entered into this contest and it
would have been unfair as he would have taken so much of the popular
vote from the public…
Poland : Pali się –
Tulia
Nation of ‘we don’t take
this serious’ with their milkchurning girls in traditional dress with
‘My Słowianie – We Are Slavic’ in 2014, a wheelchair user in 2015
performing In The Name of Love and now… they’ve early 90s girl band
vocals like Elastica while wearing quasi- traditonal Slavic yet
Mongolian ceremonial dress?! Their voices are cutting through me.
Bit too repetitive but they get the audience on side. I would have
liked to see them in the final as a novelty act to break up the
monotony. Their floating heads on the screens seem more in keeping
with this years tone than their costumes on stage. I can see why
it didn’t get through but good on them thanking the crowd.
Portugal : Telemóveis
– Conan Osíris
This
should have got into the finals!
The song has a very sort of Arabic chant style but mixed with Eastern
mysticism style before exploding into a sort of Electro-synth
dance beat reminding me of the soundtrack to Mamoru Oshii’s Ghost In
The Shell
anime film. It actually seemed really interesting costume wise in a
‘Mortal Kombat if Kazuma Kaneko did the
costume designs’ way…
On the whole this year felt very ‘safe’ in terms of most of the acts.
At least this one had some style to it even if not to everyones’
tastes. Again thanking the audience. Maybe in the final they were not
allowed to or their microphones got cut off when they did it?
Belgium : Wake Up –
Eliot
Taiko drums? And this didn’t
get placed? Let’s see why… drumming on the beat. Um… yeah his
vocals are not strong enough sadly. Someone with a bit more power to
their voice and this probably could have gone through but as it
is it sounds like a teenager covering it for a school talent contest.
The audience clap in time with the beat to support him. Well
hopefully he can go away, train his voice some more and we will hear
from him again. The drummers do very well in fairness. Smoke
effects? I don’t think anyone else had those. Maybe he got cut so
they wouldn’t have to fork out for those in the final?
* * *
Ukraine’s withdrawal this
year: Maruv was allowed to perform by Eurovision without it being
connected to representing Ukraine for the reasons detailed below. In
hindsight is very good of them as it’s not her fault that the country
she was to represent took umbridge with her touring obligations which
inevitably included work in Russia despite the broadcaster imposing
what were clearly politically motivated conditions of her contract if
she were to represent Ukraine. Kudos too should go to the show of
solidarity by ‘Freedom Jazz’ and ‘Kazka’ who were offered the
contract when Maruv wouldn’t agree to the terms.
So what’s the story?
Ukraine withdrew from the
competition this year. It was politically motivated, though they
would deny it of course, hence why Eurovision extended a hand to let
Maruv perform even if she wasn’t able to compete. A goodwill gesture
by them to the performer surely should be applauded as there was no
political intent behind her decisions though the Ukraine frame it as
such because she honoured tour dates that had, by the time of the
contract being proposed, been agreed upon long beforehand.
To quote the Wikipedia
article’s synopsis of events:
“During the final of the
national selection, it was announced that the broadcaster had
reserved the right to change the decision made by the jury and
Ukrainian public. Following Maruv’s win, it was reported that the
broadcaster had sent her management a contract, requiring Maruv to
cancel all upcoming appearances and performances in Russia in order
to become the Ukrainian representative. After it became clear that
she would be performing in two concerts in
Russia
the following months, Vice Prime Minister and Minister of Culture
Vyacheslav
Kyrylenko
stated that artists who
toured in Russia or “did not recognise the territorial integrity
of Ukraine” should not take part in Eurovision. She was also
given 48 hours to sign the contract or be replaced. The day
afterwards, Maruv revealed that the broadcaster’s contract had
additionally banned her from
improvising
on stage and communicating
with any journalist without the permission of the broadcaster, and
required her to fully comply with any requests from the broadcaster.
If she were to not follow any of these clauses, she would be fined ₴2
million (~€67,000). Maruv also stated that the broadcaster would
not give her any financial compensation for the competition and would
not pay for the trip to
Tel
Aviv.
On 25 February, both Maruv
and the broadcaster confirmed that she would not represent Ukraine in
Israel due to disputes within the contract, and that another act
would be chosen. National final runner-up Freedom Jazz announced on
26 February that they had rejected the broadcaster’s offer to
represent Ukraine as well, with third place finisher
Kazka
confirming they had
rejected the offer as well the following day.
It is considered
controversial for Ukrainian artists to tour in Russia
following the 2014
Russian military intervention in Ukraine.”
So as per tradition here is the list of the Eurovision grand final entrants with videos of their songs and the contest’s results along with my usual irreverent comments… not that anyone takes Eurovision that seriously anyway hopefully.
Each act drew in which half of the Grand Final they would perform. As host country, Portugal drew its exact starting position (8) during the Heads of Delegation meeting in March. The running order is being decided to ensure each act has the opportunity to stand out. The producers look at the genre of music, whether a song is performed by a solo singer or group, the use of props, music tempo and various other aspects of each act. In other words the run order is ‘quiet, LOUD, quiet, LOUD, slow, FAST, slow, FAST, etc’
The running order in the finale was:
Ukraine – MELOVIN: Under The Ladder
He is a vampire… or one of the goths off South Park. During one of the green room interviews the presenter, via a translator, asked him about it… That aside the backing singers paw the air and he sets fire to a set of stairs leading up to a grand piano. Common practise for Eurovision then… The song is generic so I can’t really comment on it. It was okay but forgettable thus they sacrificed him as the first act in order to warm the crowd up.
Spain – Amaia y Alfred: Tu Canción
She looks like a young Rachel Weisz. He looks like the Jonas brother Disney locked away but has escaped. This is the ‘we really are in love, no honestly! – we’ve been in love the past 3 weeks/months… around the time we were put forward for the contest’ entry. It was a good ballad. I wish it had done better. I wonder if they’ll be together now the contest is over.
Slovenia – Lea Sirk: Hvala, ne!
Electro beat, lots of synchonised dancing and a costume that makes me think she is going to run off into a plane and go do a bit of wingsuit glding like a flying squirrel… It’s meant to a motivational song but… it comes across like an exercise class down the local recreation centre by a motivational speaker.
Lithuania – Ieva Zasimauskaitė: When We’re Old
This is the first of the ‘wait is that being projected as a hologram so the audience there see what we at home are seeing?’ moments. A 1970’s dress, twee millennial song and baiting ‘isn’t being in love for a long time great?’ for votes. Then to cap it off her husband comes on and awkwardly gets her attention before giving her a hug. Rewatch the clip for the moment he taps her to get her attention. It was a hilarious micro-transaction. Also do Eurovision have a ban on kissing? Becuase that would have been more appropriate as it seems this was a planned moment and would have been more fitting. It’s a nice song… but like all twee minor key ‘girl in love’ music I would likely be out for blood if having endure it repeatedly over the space of a a short amount of time. This sort of music seemed to be everywhere a few years ago.
Austria – Cesár Sampson: Nobody But You
A good, soulful, song. His shirt is of a fabric last seen worn in the early 90s. Actually seeing it again I notice a ruffle on it’s left sleeve. It looks jut like a basic tshirt with a rubberish surface but apparently not. The song starts off well by by the end gets a bit too repetitive for my liking but what are you going to do really? It was a good effort.
Estonia – Elina Nechayeva: La Forza
Sing opera. Wear an elaborate dress they project imagery on. I like it but it feels ridiculously melodramatic even for the Eurovision let alone an operatic performance. I really liked it but it was inevitable something more ‘accessable’ would win… [rant incoming…]
Norway – Alexander Rybak: That’s How You Write A Song
The second, and most motable of the ‘does the audience there see all these effects or do they just see him miming?’ moments. The song title is arrogant thus his manner and everything becomes ‘I’ve done it once and I’ll easily do it again compared to these Eurovision amateurs. The backing dancers look like they escaped from a 90s housing estate. The man’s face at 1:32 of the video sums up everyone’s reaction to this song… Then the guy pulls a violin out his backside and does a shuffling dance. No one in the audience is singing along though at one point in the song he calls on them to. Yeah…
Portugal – Cláudia Pascoal: O Jardim
Pink hair = SJW agenda? It sounds like Dido or the XX but it’s an original song but the influence is there… It came in last place at the end of the night which really was undeserved as it had more merit than some other songs. Ultimately it was a victim of ‘on the night’ having a weak vocal performance. I don’t know if it was the best choice to have the second person come on stage for that one refrain really… who also hasa very retro 80/90s hairstyle. It was a good song so it’s a shame it did so poorly.
break position
The hosts go about goggle eyed interviewing people, making jokes and coming across incredibly awkward even for Eurovision hosts… especially the one with the constant look of shock doing all the work in the green room unfortunately.
United Kingdom – SuRie: Storm
There was a stage invasion during this performance and apparently they’ve chosen to not give the ‘grand finale’ version but the Jury Show version done the night before the final. But fear not for here is the moment!
It was a decent song but admittedly nothing spectacular. I think we should have done better to be honest but then as the memes of Twitter commented Brexit no doubt played its part and everyone joked we should win and then deny anyone coming for the contest visas. But then there’s hold over from the Iraq war resentment and such too no doubt. Some countries, a few which were surprises, gave us points and there were jokes they’ll be seeing a boost to their tourist as an act of their good faith. I think what got to people was the lack of sympathy votes of a point or two from all but a few countries. The audience at the venue however gave her a rousing cheer so t least she has that. She recovered incredibly well after the stage invasion and was given the opportunity to perform again at the end of the running order if she wanted but she declined. As for the stage invader he was rapper, political activist and serial stage invader ‘Dr ACactivism’, who was plugging his book with a slogan on his t-shirt.
Serbia – Sanja Ilić & Balkanika: Nova Deca
Obviously the pipe player got ‘MVP of the night’ no question. The male vocalist reminded me of Rasputin from Hellboy. You know it’s around now I began noticing how few of the perofmrers seemed to be wearing any colours besides black and white tonight which is a massive shift from previous years… it’s ll getting a bit too earnest nowadays. Nonetheless I enjoyed it. Later on, in the green room, apparently the singer kissed the presenter there unexpectedly and people on twitter were commenting on informed consent and such…
Germany – Michael Schulte: You Let Me Walk Alone
The song reminds me of James Blunt, David Gray and singers from the early 2000s. People compared him to Mick Hucknell. He, like the Lithuania entry, has old photos showing in the background to get the emotional response. He was decent in fairness but it’s not the sort of music I’ve ever found appealing.
Albania – Eugent Bushpepa: Mall
I really enjoyed this. His jacket’s design was interesting. People thought he looked like Elijah Wood. I’ve not much to add really. It reminds me of any number of songs I hear as the title song for computer games or at the end of films during credits – but in a good way.
France – Madame Monsiuer: Mercy
How did this not steamrolled over other acts when getting points? They performed 13th and came 13th… It had it all… a message, the performance, while a bit weaker than previous ones, was still strong, they won over the audience… Maybe it’s just it’s very up my street and it charmed me. Admittedly the ‘half skirt’ they both are wearing and her shoulderpads are a bit ‘odd but not in an eccentric way’. The red shoes seem a bit unco-ordinated with the rest of their outfits barring her lipstick and nail polish.
Czech Republic – Mikolas Josef: Lie To Me
Geek chic… or I should say ‘unflattering depiction of intellectual characters in a comedy from the early 90s’… Everyone was wondering what was in the backpack and kept comparing him to the lead character in the film ‘Kingsman: The Secret Service’. The dancing was good. The song was decent pop. Um, yeah nothing to be critical off except the costume to be honest. Probably a nice guy but the whole thing gave an attitude he probably is a bit of a wanker ‘lad’ going out on a drinking session on a Friday night in costume for some reason like a stag do…
Denmark – Rasmussen: Higher Ground
Everyone compared the red haired singer to a character from Game Of Thrones. This was a great anthemic song… yet also only got middling vote numbers by the end. This year was baffling. Admittedly the ‘stomping in formation’ choreography is a bit funny but overall it was a good performance. I get it was too ‘one note’ or something compared to others who seemed to completely shift their musical style mid-song this year.
Australia – Jessica Mauboy: We Got Love
Indigenous Australian lady performing for her coutnry and apparently had quite the heartwarming tory behind rising from an amateur ordition on a reality show all the way to performing here. As people noted her dress was far too short for some of the dance moves she was busting out towards the end. Or to be more exact the cameraman’s angle was clearly aiming to get a gratuitous shot or two. Nonethless it was a strong entry from Australia as per usual… but also came near the bottom. On Twitter were a lot of photoshopped maps reminding everyone that Australia isn’t in the southern hemisphere but actually just the other side of Ireland.
break position
I can’t remember what happened. More ‘comedy’ and interviews. I think this is when the presenter got an unexpected kiss and everyone suddenly began to decry informed consent and such. Who knows? I didn’t see the exact moment myself just the stillframe shots of her reaction… which looked just like her normal face as she had a PTSD stare the entire evening.
Finland – Saara Aalto: Monsters
If this had been the second act of the evening you would think there was a horror theme to tonight’s finale. People said the backing dancers looked like Fascists or Star Wars rejects. People thought this, rather than the Irish entry, would be the gay anthem of the night. The spinning wheel and going upside down was good. The song is a bit too repetitive for me but there we go. This was second to last in the final votes of the evening which… well it was as good as many others but it wasn’t bad and at least had the backing dancers in interesting costumes.
18. Bulgaria – EQUINOX: Bones
As people said the female singer has a very Lady Gaga/1980s cyberpunk look though she reminds me of Gwen Steffani more so. The song is decent pop though its lyrics are a bit repetitive but whatever… Fun fact: I almost left this off the list by accident somehow.
Moldova – DoReDoS: My Lucky Day
The staging and perfromance is classic Eurovision. The song is classic generic Euovision in sound reminding me of Abba… but that’s it. They’ll be on lots of ‘hilight clips’ no doubt. It’s just all very ‘Scooby Doo chase’ and cheesy 70s sex romp comedy really…
Sweden – Benjamin Ingrosso: Dance You Off
Is this a remix of Justin Timberlake’s ‘Rock Your Body’ song and it’s music video staging? The intro part definitely makes you think of it. So that’s 80 seconds before he actually does his own song… then goes back to the copyright infringing part. Then he begins doing drunk dad at a wedding ‘I used have some moves in my youth’ dancing… The staging is nice for a pop song in fairness but it is quite bland to me.
Hungary – AWS: Viszlát Nyár
It reminds me of a lot of recent rock music with the screamed lyrics. It’s in Hungarian so that’s novel but I swear I’ve heard parts of this in other rock music recently. Someoen joked it was nice to see the band ‘Bullet For My Valentine’ getting work. I can imagine this being on the soundtrack for an action film aimed at teenagers. I enjoyed it and it’s a change of pace for this competition.
Israel – Netta: Toy
Chicken noises. What I’m assuming will get claims of ‘cultural approriation’ from certain quarters. It’s the sort of act that always gets included in the highlights for being flamboyant and eccentric. The sad thing is you can hear she has some ability as a singer but the nonsense noises and such just make it unpalatable. It’s not so much the act itself that bothered people as much as this is what won in the end… personally I’m fine with such entries but there were some that were seriously worth doing better and to have this as the victor feels like it rubs salt in the wound for those entrants.
The Netherlands – Waylon: Outlaw In ‘Em
A Netherlands country singer, who worked with Waylon Jennings before his death so is definitely trained by the best, and his backing dancers who honestly must have been at a loss at what choreography to do to the song short of line dancing… so chose gurning and flailing. The costumes for this all seemed to be wrong. The song was good country music in fairness but I think no one was sure how to stage it at all… also… leopard print? Really?
Ireland – Ryan O’Shaughnessy: Together
A milquetoast song. Due to this one having the dancers depict a homosexual relationship and the tattoos of other acts the showing of the Eurovision song contest was banned in China as it was against their broadcasting regulations. The dance choreography was good. The song is a bit too scchrine for my tates what with the sustained ‘whine’ sounding note. People want Dustin the Turkey to have another go at Eurovision and to go represent Ireland in Israel next year.
Cyprus – Eleni Foureira: Fuego
People said she was a Poundshop (i.e. budget/cut price/cheap knockoff) version of Beyonce. In fairness the dancers are all incredibly well synchonised but this is definitely more about the dance than the song which I swear I heard last year or recently at least. Maybe the dance reminds me of those ‘man in high heels’ ancers that were on British adverts in Britiain a few years ago (if you don’t know what I’m on about by all means go look for the ‘Money Supermarket’ adverts on YouTube). To be honest if this had been performed earlier in the running order I don’t think it would have had the votes it got in the end but it did at least stand out amongst this year’s entries.
Italy – Ermal Meta e Fabrizio Moro: Non Mi Avete Fatto Niente
This seemed like the definite winner to me. However on the night the staging and such was a bit bare bones. I still think, despite getting 5th, this should have done better. This was Italy sending out it’s big hitters with an anthemic song with a message…
THEN THERE WAS AN INTERLUDE WHICH SEEMED LIKE IT WOULD NEVER END. It was slow songs (ONUKA last year were brilliant and other years they’ve had people like Justin Timberlake but it fell on it’s face this year save informing anyone who wasn’t aware that last year’s winner had a heart transplant and is in good health now), terrible comedy sketches by the presenters, interviews, cut aways… it just seemed like an eternity to many people on Twitter with some professing they had lost consciousness or grown a beard in the meantime.
But then finally the votes came along. The world rejoiced… for a moment.
The highlight being the greeting ‘hello humans’… as if the woman speaking was a humanoid lizard or something. The low light being the needless booing when the Russian judge appeared. It’s hard to say things are not political when you have such pantomime behaviour like that…
The Voting results in full
Israel 529
Cyprus 436
Austria 342
Germany 340
Italy 308
Czech Republic 281
Sweden 274
Estonia 245
Denmark 226
Moldovia 209
Albania 184
Lithuania 181
France 173
Bulgaria 166
Norway 144
Ireland 136
Ukraine 130
The Netherlands 121
Serbia 113
Australia 99
Hungary 93
Slovenia 64
Spain 61
UK 48
Finland 46
Portugal 39
Thus Israel won. The gag entry won.
I guess, in a year of such diverse acts, it proves that in such situations where there is so much choice to suit different people’s tastes it’s ultimately the lowest common denominator which ends up rising to the top… and for Eurovision that is novelty acts.
I can’t wait to see how Israel deals with this. Everyone complained about going to Russia due to any number of reasons. Meanwhile everyone will act like it’s perfectly fine entering a country which [insert whatever is the current news coverage when you’re reading this regarding any middle east conflicts and such] happening on it’s borders if not inside them. It’s going to be fun finding out which acts will be barred from entering due to political reasons just as the Russian competitor was barred from entering Ukrainian territory last year and told to perform via satellite feed if at all… [Fun fact: it was the same person meant to perform this year but she didn’t make it through to the grand final].
Usually I enjoy the contest but the near silence regarding the stage invasion by the (even more wooden than usual) presenters acknowledging it and the underwhelming tone of the event, as a whole, really made this worse than many recent years. There were a few outstanding songs but the subdued tone of it all means this year will be quickly forgotten. I think we have all got used to the spectacle of elaborate staging in recent years and that was something that felt like it was missing this year. Perhaps there’s a much tighter budget or something and if so it has had a detrimental effect sadly.
Uplifting song. It’s the sort of thing that’ll get used in advertising or a feel good TV drama. Not sung in English which hopefully will be the norm this year as I would prefer performers to do their entries in their native language since this is meant to represent each country and not compete for homogeneity. (fun fact: if you look that word up on Google the example sentence it gives is “”the cultural homogeneity of Europe”. But I would comment on that being British and therefore leaving the EU via BREXIT…)
Armenia – Sevak Khanagyan: Qami
Another ‘not sung in English entry’. Very soulful. It’s ‘end credits’ music for a story with a bittersweet ending. It really builds in intensity towards the end. I really like it.
Australia – Jessica Mauboy: We Got Love
I didn’t mind Australia being involved that one year but it’s a little odd to have them in the EUROvision song contest… Inevitably, as seems common nowadays with English language singers, she sounds slightly American. An energetic song and definitely a ‘get up out of your seats and dance’ one. Enjoyable but it doesn’t really stand out. A good entry nonetheless. I can see this becoming someone’s favourite song if it was released unconnected to the Eurovision. Good driving or motivational music for working out due to it’s driving beat.
Austria – Cesár Sampson: Nobody But You
He reminds me of Aloe Blacc’s song ‘I Need A Dollar’ from a few years ago. Kind of a generic pop song as it progresses. I mean I could say that of others but this actually made me think that particular thing… I like the official video for actually doing something a bit more experimental. It’s alright but it seems to rely on the refrain a bit too much for it’s impact. I like it but I can’t see it winning. It gets a bit too repetitous towards the end lyrically.
Azerbaijan – Aisel: X My Heart
This one feels a bit sped up as if you’re playing the video at 1.25 speed on YouTube and yet her voice is soft and restrained… then it kicks it up a gear. It’s a bit ‘Eurivosion anthem’ paint by numbers. There are elements in it that remind me of a number of songs of recent times. Especially with the alternating soft, LOUD, soft, LOUD, juxtapositioning. I feel like this will be an also ran unless the performance at the finale pulls something out the bag. This is the sort of song that is popular on the radio in the summer so maybe it’ll get votes.
Belarus – ALEKSEEV: FOREVER
Looks like the actor Stuart Townsend or musician Pete Doherty in his promo photo. Opens his video by ‘cutting’ his hand for ink and therefore lyrics to bleed out. Pretentious… The song sort of shifts tones a bit too suddenly. It starts off as one thing and shifts to a totally different style. Nevermind he says ‘its something me must call dream’ when you would probably say dreams in that context so the English used is questionable if it was double checked at all. It’s very late 80s/early 90s feeling. I can’t get a grip on it. There’s elements I like but others I just feel are too jarring to allow me to say I like it as a whole. Also it has that repitition of one line issue.
Belgium – Sennek: A Matter Of Time
Instantly I like this song! It reminds me of Moloko or Portishead – that sort of era of music. It, unsurprisingly, considering what she has worked on, has a ‘James Bond film theme tune’ feel to it. I wish the initial ‘echo, echo’ burst of energy was better incorporated; it would have been better to keep the more minor tone until where the second chorus occurs in order to make it have more of an impact towards the end. Another one I’m rating highly.
Bulgaria – EQUINOX: Bones
The intro is very ‘now’. The members haven’t worked together before but it really feels like a well oiled machine. The lyrics are a bit odd regarding ‘I love beyond the bones’. It’s trying to sound deep but it’s like they took a phrase from a randomised English phrase generator and worked it into the song. It’s well made but I can’t say it’ll get far though I hope the members work together again as there’s a seed of potential there. It’s an intro song for a murder drama on TV.
Croatia – Franka: Crazy
The official music video is a high quality production. Another slow, seductive, song. The ‘love, love,love’ bit is a bit too severe a break and then the ‘voice over’ like bit will be interesting to see incorporated. I can’t say it’ll get far to be honest. It’s kind of bland once you step back from it. Another where they add bits that break the tone as if there’s some obligation to do so for the contest and it ruins the song effectively.
Cyprus – Eleni Foureira: Fuego
There’s a nice setting for the official video. It sounds like there’s autotuning to a lot of the vocals which personally I don’t like. It’s very upbeat and another ‘get up and dance’ one. However it also sounds quite generic. I wouldn’t notice this standing out if it was playing on KISS FM or another ‘current music’ radio station. In the official video she has a few ‘nude colour’ clothing scenes but that won’t sway the judges in the end if that’s her costume for the finale. It will however for home votes by horny dads and teenage boys no doubt… except men tend to not vote for these things anyway according to statistics. Honestly this song could have come out ten years ago and you wouldn’t realise it. It’s ‘early era Rhianna’ if you wanted a simple description.
Czech Republic – Mikolas Josef: Lie To Me
Geek chic look. Upbeat but maybe a bit too harsh an intro tonally. The trumpet segway makes it stand out but… it’s clean cut pop but personally it’s a bit ‘rushed’ feeling in it’s tempo. The official video has some visuals reminiscent of Pharell Williams from a few years ago so maybe they got the same video director for this. It’s an okay song but not one I would want to hear repeated too often. Its’s a ‘wake up’ song they’ll probably put about half way through the running order.
Denmark – Rasmussen: Higher Ground
Visually distinct from the more clean cut, clean shaven, entrants. Much more sombre intro and becomes anthemic. Straight away I really like this immensely and it has that distinctly Nordic aspect to it. Their official video isn’t a ‘music video’ like the others but them performing to an audience. That’s refreshing. It’s the sort of song I would like outside the contest but it’s not got that ‘victory grabbing’ je ne sais quoi depending on the crowd on the night…
Estonia – Elina Nechayeva: La Forza
The song reminds me of the music from the Drakengard/NeiR game series. She also performs to an audience. This is a very traditional Eurovision entry. It’ll no doubt do well for that but is it enough? It’s interesting to have classical singing at the contest so who know this might just do it. Singing in Italian might get them some Italian votes potentially though, as I’ve said before, I would prefer nations perform in their native tongue.
FYR Macedonia – Eye Cue: Lost And Found
Eye Que… it’s meant to be a homophone of I.Q. But makes me think of some surrealist painting of eyes queuing in a post office… She sounds very American. It’s a very professional song and official video. It’s a good song but… will it stand out enough to make an impact? The ‘interludes’ seem to cover a variety of styles as if trying to have something for everyone which might put people off. It was enjoyable and eclectic while not being silly. Hopefully it gets them some international coverage and the band will see increased sales after since they’re definitely good albeit not my thing personally. Also cudos on having a guy whose got a receded hairline for once in the competition’s history. Either you’ve a full head of perfectly quaffed hair or our a shiny baldy man… there’s no in between usually.
Finland – Saara Aalto: Monsters
She was the voice of Anna in the Finnish dub of Disney’s Frozen apparently. The music video is good. The song feels generic. You’d dance to it in the club but honestly would forget it moments later. It’s very ‘Eurovision dance music entry’… even for a Eurovision entry…
France: Madame Monsiuer: Mercy
They look like a parody of the stereotype of the French Newwave or how people stereotype Beatniks and, in general, the French at a nation or people at a poetry reading… ‘Look how art house cinema we are’ The song is very good and I’ll listen to again though it definitely has ‘1980s’ tones to it. I have mixed feelings about this. It definitely stands out but it won’t win like other stand out performances have done in the past depending on how it does on the night. Also the pun of ‘mercy’ and the French word ‘merci’ is a bit laboured but then I could say that of a lot of lyrics outside the contest too. Very good. I would listen to more by them. It’s going to do very well, I’m certain, if not possibly win.
Georgia – Ethno-Jazz Band Iriao: For You
That name is a bit on the nose… it almosts sounds like a library classification of what they are. Jokes aside this is really up my street so I’m biased. I want this to win. Even if the intro sounds like it’s leading into a nursery rhyme… It’s just very emotive and has this wonderful soothing impact on you. The sort of song played over a scene of victory as people rejoice. I WANT MORE! In fact when going through the entrants in alphabetic order before the contest I replayed this a second time and it was the only one so far – so that should tell you how much I like it.
Germany – Michael Schulte: You Let Me Walk Alone
It’s bland. It’s a bit like James Blunt, David Gray or one of those singers from around that time.. He’s not a bad singer but it’s not going to get much of a reaction. I wouldnt be surprised if he’s put early on or very late in the proceedings as an also ran entry in the running order. The information on the site more or less described him as a YouTube sensation who sings covers… take that for what it means to you. Once the song’s tempo increased it was much more enjoyable but it was right at the end once most will have tuned him out.
Greece – Yianna Terzi: Oniro Mou
Celtic pipes like intro. It’s a good song and video (if a little pretentious)… but I can’t see it winning. It’ll do well based purely on the capability of the performer on the night. I can imagine this song playing over a montage of someone going over a landscape… which is what the official video depicts with her in a pit. It’s humorous in an all too earnest way.
Hungary – AWS: Viszlát Nyár
‘Modern metal band’ according to themselves. It will definitely standout and could win for being so different. It reminds me of a lot of the ‘soft rock’ sound in recent years. More about screaming than audible lyrics. Actually if you’ve heard the professional lead vocalist ‘screamers’ in such bands and wondered what they would sound like if the lyrics were audible then this is the case study for that. It’s enjoyable as a change of pace from the other entries but it depends who’ll be voting on the night how well it will do. As for me I’ve heard this sort of song a number of times by other bands and nothing stands out in and of itself save they’re of course singing in Hungarian.
Iceland – Ari Ólafsson: Our Choice
A 19 year old who has been in musical theatre. The ‘have a break’ song entry they’ll put after a more energetic one in the running order. It’s incredibly bland and inoffensive. This could have been performed in any year of the Eurovision and not been out of place. It’s the most generic song entry I’ve witnessed… I’m sure he’s a very good performer but the song is incredibly bland.
Ireland – Ryan O’Shaughnessy: Together
He was an actor in an Irish soap opera Fair City. A nice relaxed song. It’s enjoyable. Hopefully it’ll do quite well. There’s not much to add really. The official video depicts a, presumably, gay couple… the dancing is well choreographed as they dance through the streets.
Israel – Netta: Toy
Is she a ‘gag’ entry? The kimono and hair makes her seem so. The video all but confirms the ‘big character’ image… If you took out the bizarre vocal ‘clucking’ bits at the start and during it then this is a good, infectious, song with a very ‘of the moment’ looking music video. Will it win? Probably not but it’ll be a highlight of this year. [edit: Apparently she’s one of the favourites this year so what do I know?]
Italy – Ermal Meta e Fabrizio Moro: Non Mi Avete Fatto Niente
Italy bring out the big guns with an aim of winning at all costs. This will win or come within the top three without question. The official video has lots of political imagery to all but demand points being awarded by the judges viewing it as a protest song. I didn’t like when Ukraine did that a few years ago, let alone the outright ostracisation of the UK entries after the Iraq war, so I prefer politics or any allusion to it be a faux pas in the contest but then with the block voting, despite their best efforts to stop it, and what happened to Russia last year it seems unavoidable. The song is in and of itself excellent. It’s blown everything away so far while going through the entries in alphabetic order. Very anthemic. It’ll definitely be a highlight.
Latvia – Laura Rizzotto: Funny Girl
Woof. This is the sort of bittersweet song I enjoy so without question is one of the highlights for me. The music video is also good though the flashes of harlequinn makeup look needlessly silly like a teenager trying to be spiritually deep because they listened to some sad music. It stands out from many of the others but I think it wont win though it’ll get good scores. I would listen to more by her after the contest nonetheless.
Lithuania – Ieva Zasimauskaitė: When We’re Old
One of those chocolate box ‘spiritually uplifting’ singers like Nora Jones. It’s a nice slow piece and should do well but the winners of Eurovision usually have stand out presentation, a punchy tone or, as last year, some sort of story behind them if they’re a slower piece. It was good but might be too jarring a minor key shift when compared to other entries with the major key, bombastic, songs. She’s good though and I would be interested to hear what else she has done.
Malta – Christabelle: Taboo
The official video seems needlessly cinematic at the start with a Mad Max: Fury Road tone. It actually distracted me from the song. Once it gets going to reminds me of ‘Warriors’ from last year at times but can’t maintain the same impact. It starts building up then suddenly cuts into this song. Also the singer reminds me of the actress Shona McGarty who plays Whitney Dean on BBC’s Eastenders…
Moldova – DoReDoS: My Lucky Day
Folk-pop… sorry they won me over instantly within a few notes but it’s not anything special. Infectiously energetic and fun in the moment. In 2017, DoReDoS won the contest New Wave in Sochi, Russia and there they caught the attention of Russian singer, songwriter and 1995 russian participant Philipp Kirkorov, who composed the song My Lucky Day for DoReDoS’ entry for the Moldovan national selection for the Eurovision Song Contest, O melodie pentru Europa 2018. The songs good as an entry but I won’t recall it after this year’s contest despite what I said… it’s somewhat forgettable and I can see that happening during the votes depending where it is in the running order.
Montenegro – Vanja Radovanović: Inje
I like the music video’s cinematography. I really like the song initially and its orchestral instrumentation. However he looks like the bastard half-brother of Peter Serafinowicz… um it’s okay. I think I’m just distracted too much to really say much about the song itself…
Norway – Alexander Rybak: That’s How You Write A Song
The video is well done. That song name though is a bit cheeky any entry let alone by someone who won the Eurovision contest in 2009 thus it comes across as quite arrogant on his part. It sounds like the sort of upbeat happy song with a ‘sing along’ bit that would win the contest… however I’m bitter and thus hope someone else wins because it kinds of screams he’s got an ego with this entry. It’s the British way: we like underdogs but once you’re on top we want to knock you down…
Poland – Gromee feat. Lukas Meijer: Light Me Up
Festival dance music. After the previous entries Poland has played it relatively safe this year with a strong entry. It could win but it’s not the sort of music I listen to personally. It just kind of washes over me and sounds like all ‘anthemic summer dance festival’ music. The guy with the hat looks like the white bastard lovechild of Pharrell Williams and Will.i.am…
Portugal – Cláudia Pascoal: O Jardim
YES! THIS SONG! A striped back focus on lyrics, vocals and accompaniment… however the lead vocalist in the video does sound like she’s risking having ‘off key’ moments when performing in the final… but at it’s core this is the sort of thing I would want to see more of. Then again it’s this sort of striped back, no hiding behind vocalisers and other tricks, performance which won last year so… maybe this year they’ll opt for omething completely different.
Romania – The Humans: Goodbye
The group name combined with the song title… that’s an interesting choice. Maybe they’re robots. As for the song… it’s a bit dreary at the start. On the whole it’s very Bonnie Tyler (or another 80s female rock singer) with a middle aged garage rockband doing a gig down the pub… Enjoyable but I can’t see it going anywhere.
Russia – Julia Samylova: I Won’t Break
A modern style music video. Auto tuning. Repetitous quasi-dance music… but it’s Eurovision so it fits in. The lyrics are good but I don’t think it’s enough. If it’s to stand a chance they’ll have to pull off something exceptional with the staging. She’s in a wheelchair which reminds me of Poland’s entry a few years ago. She did the opening on the Sochi Paralympics in 2014. In case you forgot Russia got ‘banned’ last year so she was meant to perform then but they let he do it this year instead. It’ll end up an ‘also ran’ and likely due to current attitudes receive few votes if the attitude from last year carries over to this year. It happened with Britian due to Iraq and it’ll happen to them too possibly…
San Marino – Jessika featuring Jenifer Brening: Who We Are
Dancing toy robots and an unflattering costume reminding me of the 1970s… then a rapper in a yoga outfit. It’s an also ran. I can’t add much really. It’s a talent contest entry and looking at the information about them that’s more or less confirmed…. a nice effort but… no where near the quality of others.
Serbia – Sanja Ilić & Balkanika: Nova Deca
Balkan traditional music styles fused with rock equates to music I like. I will defintely be checking out more of their music but I can imagine it’s not everyone’s thing. The costumes for the women aare a bit silly but then it’s Eurovsion so it’s all in keeping I guess. If anything I would have preferred it to stay closer to the traditional aspects or was something like ONUKA’s Vidlik…
Slovenia – Lea Sirk: Hvala, ne!
I read the information on her and it’s basically ‘she finished each stage of education early with flying colours’. The offical video is of her performance on stage. It’s good but the song starts with the lyrics ‘my name is Lea’ and then her offering the audience advice on not accepting negativity from others. In others words if she wasn’t a single person’s creation I would swear it was written by a commity of Disney writers the message so trite and the performance so by the numbers. Also epilepsy warning if you want to watch the video… though you probably watched it first before reading this and are on the floor convulsing… She is an excellent ‘technical’ performer and composer but like such people she has all the technique down but none of the raw je ne sais quoi of ‘creative’ genius… She’ll go far in her career but will be outshone by others inevitably which is a shame.
Spain – Amaia y Alfred: Tu Canción
A lover’s duet. I will be shocked if this doesn’t do well. It’s very honest and really should. Sometimes these things come off as cheesy but vocally this really works. Who knows maybe it’ll (hopefully) win! It just has winning entry written all over it without feeling overly manufactured.
Sweden – Benjamin Ingrosso: Dance You Off
1980s synth music. I like it but it’s a taste. Of course the 80s are on trend right now with the younger generations so it was inevitable someone would appeal to that era’s style as openly as this while mixing some moden aspects. It’s okay. I can’t honestly see it going too far though it might do okay during the votes depending how it goes on the night. It’s a bit ‘Justin Timberlake’ sounding.
Switzerland – ZiBBZ: Stones
Siblings who describe themselves as each others soulmates… incesty just like last year’s winners. The song was meant for a Canadian singer but they used it for themselves instead. She’s got a widebrimmed hat and he’s got a topknot. She’s toured with theatre productions and he won a drumming contest. They had five seasons of their own reality TV series. Anyway the song is pop rock and okay but doesn’t stand out really.
The Netherlands – Waylon: Outlaw In ‘Em
Wannabe American Country music singer… but he did go work with Waylon Jennings before he died in 2001 so… he is one. The song was written with Ilya Toshinskiy who was born in Obninsk, Russia but works in Nashville. It’s a very different song to what’s heard at the Eurovision but is this the slow creep of American influence into Eurovision when it’s been one of the few bastions where American influence had been minimal until recently? I don’t mind it but it’s at risk of losing distinctly European sounds despite the efforts of some acts to preserve, and bring into the modern era, their cultural influences. Unintended American imperialism. It’s a good song nonethless.
Ukraine – MELOVIN: Under The Ladder
His promotional photo makes him look like a male model. On stage he looks like a drama student who takes himself too serious to the point you cringe. I think it’s the shirt more than anything. He’s like one of the Goths from South Park… The song is okay and the staging with the on fire stair case is a nice touch but… eh he’s an also ran to be honest.
United Kingdom – SuRie: Storm
It’s a nice song. It will be used on TV promotions and adverts. I swear I’ve heard it used for those at some point but I can’t have. Tonally it’s different from many other entries and in the minor key. Really the UK is still clawing it’s status back after the whole Iraq thing years ago and now there are more competitors than ever doing their best and proving there are musical artists throughout Europe deserving of more recognition internationally than ever. It’s a good song. We won’t win but hopefully get a decent score and anything in the top half would be good. Pessimistic I know as actually this is better than quite a few I’ve been listening to while writing this but there we go don’t want to blow your own trumpet and seem elitist.
My likely high scorers and potential winners:
Belgium, Denmark, Estonia, FRANCE, Georgia, Ireland, ITALY!!!, Moldova (my dark horse bet), NORWAY (though I hope not), PORTUGAL (if they can pull it off on the night though they’re the hosts and you would assume not want to host it two years on the trot), Serbia, SPAIN (!!!), Netherlands (following the trend of ‘the, stylistically or presentationally, stand out performance usually wins’ logic seen in past years).
The running order in the finale will be:
Each act drew in which half of the Grand Final they would perform. As host country, Portugal drew its exact starting position (8) during the Heads of Delegation meeting in March.
01. Ukraine
02. Spain
03. Slovenia
04. Lithuania
05. Austria
06. Estonia
07. Norway
08. Portugal
— break position
09. United Kingdom
10. Serbia
11. Germany
12. Albania
13. France
14. Czech Republic
15. Denmark
16. Australia
— break position
17. Finland
18. Bulgaria
19. Moldova
20. Sweden
21. Hungary
22. Israel
23. The Netherlands
24. Ireland
25. Cyprus
26. Italy
The running order is being decided to ensure each act has the opportunity to stand out. The producers look at the genre of music, whether a song is performed by a solo singer or group, the use of props, music tempo and various other aspects of each act.
… well Georgia, of my favourites, got knocked out before the finale. Italy are the final act so that might work against them potentially or cause them to have a landslide victory. Spain is so early it might be forgotten by the voting time. Norway is also on early and France is exactly half way through.
I’ll try to cover the finale by the end of Sunday but as I do a post about the competition each year this will be put up just in case I don’t for some reason.
Rambling At The Bridge Head 
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