On Mules We Find Two Legs Behind by Anon

On mules we find two legs behind

And two we find before.

We stand behind before we find

What those behind be for.

We find before the two before

Just what they, too, be for.

so stand before the two behind

and behind the two before.


by Anon

I’ve Got A Dog As Thin As A Rail by Anon

I’ve got a dog as thin as a rail,

He’s got fleas all over his tail;

Every time his tail goes flop

The fleas on the bottom all hop to the top.


by Anon

The Flea by Jeremy Lloyd

Jock is a Scottish Circus flea

Could jump a height of one foot three.

And in his kilt, both short and brief

Could bend a mouse hair in his teeth.

He used to get his best applause

As in his silver spangled drawers

And rubber shoes, lest he should slip,

He’d lift a great big orange pip.

Alas, ambition drove too hard

He tried to life a playing card.

And with assistance from a friend

He got it to stand up on end.

Now sad to say, poor Jock is dead.

The ace of spades fell on his head.

That fatal card!


by Jeremy Lloyd

A Crocodile Named Cedric Sheaf by Michael Dugan

A crocodile named Cedric Sheaf

would never ever clean his teeth.

His teeth fell out one by one

until at last his jaws held none,

and however much he wanted to

no food could poor old Cedric chew.

Because his gums were soft as silk

he had to live on malted milk.


by Michael Dugan

Wellington Grape by Derek Stuart

Wellington Grape was a very odd shape.

He had a triangular head.

His body was square. He had luminous hair.

His eyes were flame-coloured red.


‘I can’t help it,’ he said,

From his four post bed,

‘I look so exceedingly queer.

But my future’ll be fine

As a road traffic sign

Or an advert for bottles of beer.’


by Derek Stuart