On mules we find two legs behind
And two we find before.
We stand behind before we find
What those behind be for.
We find before the two before
Just what they, too, be for.
so stand before the two behind
and behind the two before.
– by Anon
I’ve got a dog as thin as a rail,
He’s got fleas all over his tail;
Every time his tail goes flop
The fleas on the bottom all hop to the top.
– by Anon
Jock is a Scottish Circus flea
Could jump a height of one foot three.
And in his kilt, both short and brief
Could bend a mouse hair in his teeth.
He used to get his best applause
As in his silver spangled drawers
And rubber shoes, lest he should slip,
He’d lift a great big orange pip.
Alas, ambition drove too hard
He tried to life a playing card.
And with assistance from a friend
He got it to stand up on end.
Now sad to say, poor Jock is dead.
The ace of spades fell on his head.
That fatal card!
– by Jeremy Lloyd
A crocodile named Cedric Sheaf
would never ever clean his teeth.
His teeth fell out one by one
until at last his jaws held none,
and however much he wanted to
no food could poor old Cedric chew.
Because his gums were soft as silk
he had to live on malted milk.
– by Michael Dugan
Wellington Grape was a very odd shape.
He had a triangular head.
His body was square. He had luminous hair.
His eyes were flame-coloured red.
‘I can’t help it,’ he said,
From his four post bed,
‘I look so exceedingly queer.
But my future’ll be fine
As a road traffic sign
Or an advert for bottles of beer.’
– by Derek Stuart