[A knock at the door of Comoran Strike’s office. Two figures enter]
Detective Sergeant Steve Arnott: I’m Detective Sergeant Steve Arnott –
Detective Sergeant Kate Fleming : – And I’m Detective Sergeant Kate Fleming
Together: And we are from AC-12…
DS Fleming: – Wait a second, is that a cup of piss on your window sill?
DS Arnott: That’s breaking building regs…
Robin: It’s not mine!
[Strike walks from his office into the reception area]
Strike: What do you want?
DS Arnott: It’s come to our attention Eric Wardle has been leaking you investigative information about ongoing cases which you then go on to solve.
Strike: Who says that?
DS Fleming: Detective Carver.
DS Arnott: Kate! That’s confidential information!
DS Fleming: Sorry, I don’t know what came over me… I just felt like telling him.
DS Arnott: Don’t tell him about Anstis then…
Strike: Oh, so Richard Anstis is involved in this too? He owes me a leg… you might say an arm and a leg.
[Suddenly a senior police officer bursts through the door]
Superintendent Ted Hastings: What the feck is going on here you two?
DS Arnott: We don’t know Guv, he just has an effect on us both!
Super Hastings: [Addressing Strike] You listen here son – we have you bang to rights.
Strike: Then I have no choice…
[Strike leaps out the window quickly followed by Robin]
Narrator v/o: Little did AC-12 know but the secret identity of down on his luck private detective Cormoran Strike was that of the super detective COMORANT MAN! Aided by his trusty sidekick Robin (who is in no way an intended copyright infringement on any other superhero sidekicks who may go by a similar homophone or name) they fight crime through sheer coincidence using their author given ‘make up an expertise in the necessary skill on the spot’ writing.
Super Hastings: The Comorant Strikes again!
[outside walking down the road in slow motion Comoran is smoking and Robin is not looking where she’s going as she looks up a new job to apply for on her phone]
Robin: Thank goodness we both took advanced courses in stunt work!
Strike: Actually I didn’t. I just got blown up by an IED on tour in Afghanistan. On the bright side my tuition only cost me a leg. Get it… ‘it cost an arm and a leg’… and I lost my leg… but… not an arm…
[Robin looks at him awkwardly not sure what to say since the BBC might censor this scene for fear of offending someone. They continue walking down the street]
Strike: Quick Robin! To the Comorant Copter!
Robin: We don’t have one…
Strike: The Comorant Cycle!
Strike The… Comorant… um Canoe? Cart? Chariot? Crop duster? Caravan? Caravel? Catamaran? Coach? Compact car? Coupe? Cruise ship? Container ship? Clipper ship? Cutter? Cable car? Convertible? Container ship? Conveyor belt? Covered wagon? Crane? Combine harvester? Chair lift?
Robin: Nope none of them. Not even a Convoy.
[a few minutes pass as Strike, with a thousand yard stare, suffers PTSD with only the cigarette in his mouth twitching to show he’s still alive before he recovers]
Strike: Bugger… um, alright… let me use my trusty Cormarant lighter, ‘strike’ up another cigarette and we’ll go down the pub.
Robin: Won’t they find us there?
Strike: No way. This is London – there are loads of pubs!
Robin: But I found you there after knowing you only a few days. I’m sure they’ll –
Strike: – Well hopefully I’ll be so drunk by the time they find me I won’t care!
Narrator: SO CONTINUE THE AMAZING ADVENTURES OF COMORAN STRIKE AND HIS ‘WE’RE NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP NOR WILL WE EVER BE’ SIDEKICK! UNTIL NEXT TIME, SAME CORMORANT TIME, SAME CORMORANT CHANNEL!
THAT’S ALL UNTIL THE NEXT TIME ” COMORANt STRIKEs”!