Banananananananana by William Cole

I thought I’d win the spelling bee

And get right to the top,

But I started to spell ‘banana,’

And I didn’t know when to stop.

 

by William Cole

Please Ptell Me Pterodactyl by Charles Connell

Please ptell me, Pterodactyl,

Who ptaught you how pto fly?

Who ptaught you how pto flap your wings

And soar up in the sky?

No prehistoric monster

Could ptake off just like you

and pturn and ptwist and ptaxi

Way up there in the blue.

Pray ptell me, Pterodactyl,

Just how you spent your day.

What were your favourite hobbies?

Did you gather nuts in May?

Did you  ever throw a nimble dart,

Ptry Karate or Kung-Fu,

Or ptake up stamp-collecting,

Or paddle a canoe?

Were you ever a numismatist,

A ptenderfoot or scout?

Did you join the local chess club?

Did you ever ptickle ptrout?

Did you sometimes perch in ptree-ptops,

Beech or oak or sycamore?

Did the branch snap off and did you

Crash down on the forest floor?

Were you bird or were you lizard?

Ptell me that at least I beg.

And one final thing I ask you –

Did you ever lay an egg?

On one count I must reproach you;

You are difficult pto spell,

Worse than ptarmigan or ptom-ptit,

(Silent ‘p’s’ make spelling hell!)

by Charles Connell

Spelling Game by Iain Crichton Smith

If the plural of house is houses

and the plural of mouse is mice

why then the plural of rouses

should surely be written as rice

and if the plural of deer is deer

and the plural of fish is fish

then the plural of beer should be beer

and the plural of dish should be dish.

If mouses run over our houses

and eat up our loaves and our scones

why then our lice should be louses

and our phones should be sounded as phons.

by Iain Crichton Smith