So, like, ayes been challenged to write a blog entirely in ‘Wenglish’ innit? There I am minding my own business when suddenly sum-one’s all like ‘Oh go on – writes us a post in Wenglish innit? It be funny like, not like in “being funny” like someone’s ‘aving a pout but like “funny funny” like your ‘avin’ a laff yeh? I turns round to ‘er and I tells ‘er ‘Oh what you think I is? Some sort of bloody wind-up toy munkee is it? I gotta life too you know!’ An’ then she’s all like ‘alright calm down! Well you dunno if you don’ try innit butt?’ So alright then… let’s ‘ave a go an’ see what ‘appens then is it? All off the top of my head this is so don’t give me no jip cuz of it…
What’s Wenglish? English/Welsh dialect innit?
Welsh English, Anglo-Welsh, or Wenglish refers to the dialects of English spoken in Wales by Welsh people. The dialects are significantly influenced by Welsh grammar and often include words derived from Welsh. In addition to the distinctive words and grammar, there is a variety of accents found across Wales from the Cardiff dialect to that of the South Wales Valleys and to West Wales.
An’ this is a site all bout it too. Blokes made a livin’ out of it n all too: http://talktidy.com/
Day Inna Life Of A Tidy Welsh Bloke As ‘e Sees it In ‘is Own Words An’ All That Like.
Right then, it’s like this it is start of the day. There I was like walking down the road when a bloody great big bugger of a ‘roid ‘ead comes stropping towards me all casual givin’ me a funny look.
‘oh’ I said ‘oo you think you is butt?’ an’ ‘e was all ‘Nun a your fuhkin’ bizniz oo aye am you smelly dick. You startin’ sumfing? You need to man up you header! Don’t you even fuckin’ try it mate! End of!’
‘Oi mun!’ I shout, ‘Pissy pants, come over here you cocky little shit’ I said, ‘cuz you don’t come round ‘ere flapping your chops like that an’ get away with it I can tell you that now!’
He starts walkin’ away like ‘e owns the place! Cheeky fuhk…
‘Oi’ I said ‘you’re not down Llanelli here now butt, we’re not all slappers, piss-‘eads and roiders all on the dole round ‘ere like you. ‘This ‘eres Brid-end like’, I warned ‘im, ‘You got to take responsibility for what you just gone and said to me!’
Well ‘e didn’t like it did ‘e? Didn’t like it at all…
So there was a ruck course and a few cheeky slaps but in the end I gave ‘im a good hidin’. An’, I’m not lying, that bast’add was built like a brick shit house but I could ‘ave ‘im cuz roiders are all trouser no balls. Fuhkin’ roider I tell you…
Suddenly, out of nowhere, a police bloke comes running down the road shoutin’ at us ‘Oh! Oh! The fucks goin’ on ‘ere then boys?!’
We both dun a runner like and that was that.
Next thing I’m over by the Rec an’, no joke, I’m lookin’ at the river when a bloody fuckin’ old slag bollock naked of all things comes out the pissin’water! What the fuhks she doin’ there like I ask myself?
‘Oh luv’, I shout at ‘er, ‘put your bloody tits away for God’s sakes! No one wants ta see tha’!’
Well, she just looked at me with a face like a slapped arse don’t she?
‘Oh luv I don’t care if you duss put your bra on one cup at a time like the rest of us!’ I tells ‘er, ‘I’m not being funny… but you’re a bloody state luv, look at yerself!”
Then you know what the bint bloody went and did? You know she just ups and pisses off like she got a rocket up ‘er arse runnin’ stark bloody naked into tha bushes an’ disappears and I’m left stood there like a bloody lemon an’ ‘aven’t a clue what the fuhk waz goin’ on just now… it waz random like no lie…
Then later I’m out in the night and some fat bint waddles ova ta me pissed out of ‘er brains and is all like ‘oh let’s ‘ave a cwtch is it luvly?’
‘Oh piss off’, I sez, I gotta missus an’ you look like shit to be honest‘.
‘But you knows ahm funkin’ gwjuss an up for it’ ‘n’ like it don’t matter if she dunno cuz it’s only a bit of fun like’
‘Christ almighty’ some bloke passing sez before he goes chuckin’ ‘is guts up after lookin’ at ‘er, ‘she looks ruff as fuhkin’ ‘ell there butt’.
So then she’s tryin’ to lead me round sum dark corner round tha back o tha pub furra shag and aye makes my excuses there an’ then like don’t i? I tells ‘er ‘Oh yeh you goes right ahead, gotta go take a piss a sec be there right now in a minute.
Well I won’t lie it’s not like it’s the first time that day is it I ‘ad to do a runner? I’m not twp. Wouldn’t even have touched ‘er with a barge pole if I ‘ad to double bag it you know what I means like? Dirty she was.
Was a right laff when I told the boys after.
Then I gets home completely blotto and hasta hav’ a kip obvs like. Ruff as fuhk I was the next morning, no lie, so aye ‘as another nap after I gone makin’ myself a chip buttie. Prawpa bluddy luvly it was ‘n’ all. Then the boys cum round half three an’ we’re watchin’ the rugby like cuz like it’s Sunday… an tha’s what you dus on a Sunday innit? Not’ing else to do then is there? So we all piss off down the local pub for a couple. Bloody packed in there it was… like sardines we was. Brilliant bit of atmosphere an’…fuhkin’ ‘ell… I tell you now, the way those boys ‘andled the ball you’d think it was a babe fresh baked out their missus’ downstairs honest! ‘Come on lads’ we’re shoutin’ at the screen, cuz you ‘ave to don’t you? Give ‘em a bit of encouragement! No lie, think one of the boys started wellin’ up, it was such a bute of a game, the soppy bugger, but then you knows the women aint watchin’ for the game like but just so they can imagine wrappin’ themselves round those boys thighs innit? Filthy cows… Getting’ down ‘n’ dirty with them an’ wannabe rugger versions of those bloody footy WAGs that ar’ always in da papers. Dirty slappers gittin’ moist just standin’ there while serious business is goin’ on on the pitch on the tele… Might scrub up tidy but they got another thing comin’ if they think they got a chance with the lads there tho. Even if they did they’d be in for a shock. Thighs like tree trunks, cocks like pencils, is what I ‘ear… not that I ever want to know stuff like that but you know what with banter ‘n’ goss n all tha’ you find out these things don’t you? Happy days like it was.
But that’s enough o’ tha now innit? Can’t chops all day cuz aye got other things to be doing course. Can’t be helped.
So That’s that then. Not me sayin’ it like just some made up character ‘n’ that. Pwper tidy bloke ‘e is ‘n’ all.
“Oh, where’s the reviews of these films then you keep promising? You keep on about them like a nag all the time an’ ‘aven’t shown nuthin’ for it…”
Calm down for God’s sakes mun! It’s bluddy cummin’ just hold your horses and wait a second it’ll be here in a minute…
Oh yeh and befores I forgets here’s wassaface who sed ava go doin’ this Wenlgish post.
https://annawwalii.wordpress.com/ – Which is all in Polish and kept up to date and then you got https://annainwales.wordpress.com/ which is all in English but she don’t keep that last one up to date cuz “effort” she sez ‘n’ all that. Needs to get a grip ‘n’ sort herself out sharpish mun! Got one post from 13 November 2013 where she posted a part one and there’s still no part two to it all this time later now! Got two blogs ‘n’ all she has! The greedy bugger… an’ there’s even more she got like a Polish language ‘travel guide to Welsh places’ http://walijskiewedrowanie.wordpress.com/ and a photography site and… and… well… it’s just takin’ the piss now isn’t it? But there you goes… that should be more than enough of a plug for her stuff now. Cheeky mare…
Only jokin’ like! Got to laff ‘aven’t you? Life wouldn’t be worth livin’ if you didn’ yeh? It’s Welsh humour like, bit of banter (whether you like or not)… not a good un if you don’t take it on the chin and ‘ave a laff at ‘urself… but yeh like I waz sayin’ got go sort out those film blog entries and post them in the next few days. Honest…